Information You Didn’t Ask For.

by Alexa on March 24, 2014

You will be relieved to hear, I am sure, that the Horse Council bill has passed and is now law. And I forgot to tell you: the true subject of the bill, the thing that is to be funded by the Equine Education Fund and overseen by the wise and shiny-coated Horse Council is…A HORSE CENSUS.

Let me say that again. A HORSE CENSUS.

A CENSUS. Of HORSES.

So, obviously, this is why the bill was emergency/immediately effective. I can’t believe state officials have managed to go this long without knowing how many horses are among their constituents.

(I know, really, that there are plenty of reasons to not want a law to be effective immediately, but that doesn’t mean I am not going to take my amusement where I can find it, for instance in very real circumstances under which a law designating “Noxious and Invasive Weed Awareness Week” has “an emergency having been determined to exist” language and takes effect immediately while a law regulating handguns on college campuses just gets the regular old general effective date.)(You will no doubt notice a sharp increase in Legal Publishing Humor now that I am back at work. I apologize for this.)

I am starting to feel there is some sort of US Treasury conspiracy afoot related to the fact that it takes 15 quarters to do a load of laundry in my building. No other coin of the realm is accepted, no credit cards are taken—no, you must have in your possession 15 actual, physical United States quarters.

“We did consider The Congressional Committee on Obsolescence’s suggestion that we discontinue the quarter, however it appears that quarters are still very much in demand in Minnesota, at least on the [REDACTED] block of [REDACTED] Avenue. We may need to step up production!”

There were only two openings for volunteers to give feedback on the projects entered in the Science and Math Fair, and I snatched one up immediately, so now I am JUDGING THE FAIR! I mean, technically it is just writing comments on “participation” ribbons, and there are no winners among the projects, but I will totally be judging them. (#teamTHEMOON)

Simone has a very strong vision for her project, and predictably I am finding it hard not to interfere. I make a suggestion, and she reminds me sternly that I am just her “assistant.” FINE, SIMONE. Good luck with the judges! I hear they have high standards and impeccable taste.

I had been going on a bit about the Fair to my friend Becky and I am not sure if she was actively mocking me or if I just sensed that she was thinking about mocking me, but anyway I told her, a bit defensively, that it really WAS going to be fun, and there would be NON-nerdy parts, too. The museum is bringing a portable planetarium, and there is going to be a book fair! And then I realized that the two examples I gave as attractions for non-nerds were “planetarium” and “book fair.”

I am so pleased to be writing here more, and I’d like to write here more still, but also I am tremendously lazy, and so I am opening the floor for requests. Is there a story you want to hear? Is there a question you want me to answer? (Questions are great for days when I have very little time but still want to write SOMETHING.)

I mean, don’t worry, I’m still going to keep you apprised of the important things, like elementary school science fairs and urgent horse legislation. But it would be nice to have a list of post topics for days when I feel chatty but can’t think of what to write about, and I know there are still a half dozen or so of my beloved readers hanging around, so I thought I’d go right ahead and delegate that to you.

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