“Morning Aphasia” Would Be a Fine Band Name.

by Alexa on March 28, 2014

Is there such a thing as Morning Aphasia? Because the other morning I was unable to call up:

1) The name of one of my children
2) The words “water bottle”
3) The word “lunchbox”
4) The word “bag”

I compensated with “THING” and “THAT GIRL,” but it was a little alarming. I may not exactly be ingénue material but I am still extremely young, relatively speaking—especially if the things you relating me to are like, the Earth, or the span of human history. Is it pretty much a steady slide downhill at this point, cognitively speaking?

Another alarming possibly-age-related development: my right ankle clacks. It clacks when I walk, with every step for a while, and then it will fall silent, maybe out of embarrassment, and then it will start up again—CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK. It doesn’t hurt, but it is quite loud. And really, should my body parts be CLACKING? I would assume not. Do I need…oil? What is happening to me?

We have gotten some more information about the Science Fair, in the form of an email and a flyer, and I don’t think I am exaggerating when I say it is shaping up to be the social event of the season—or at least of MY season.

Here is a list of attractions from the email:

• Incredible Invertebrates {Ed. Note: Yes, but which ones??}
• MN Herpetological Society- Reptiles and Amphibians
• Wind Energy with 3M
• Static Electricity with the Bakken Museum
• The Bell Museum’s ExploraDome
• Fish Anatomy with the Minnesota DNR
• A Brain presentation with a U of M Neurosurgeon {Ed. Note: Too much to hope for that this will be awake neurosurgery demonstration, yes?}
• Owl Pellet Dissection
• Recycled Art {Ed. Note: Are we making art OUT OF other things or recycling art INTO other things? This point needs clarification.}
• Mini-Math Carnival
• Scholastic Book Fair

In contrast to the email, the flyer was less matter-of-fact and more geared toward exciting the audience. For instance, “MN Herpetological Society—Reptiles and Amphibians” becomes “REAL SNAKES AND REPTILES!” Most delightfully, “Fish Anatomy with the Minnesota DNR” becomes “SEE INSIDE A FISH!” I feel like the marketing team (hush, of course there is) did a great job with this one, because sure, Fish Anatomy sounds like fun, but SEE INSIDE A FISH! takes it to a whole new level.

I was thrilled with all of your post topic suggestions and such. I must also say, though, that those were some of the loveliest, most flattering and bolstering comments I have ever received. I feel very honored and very lucky, and I know this all sounds awfully sappy, but I have been writing for many years, whether just-for-sport bits like this or Proper Writing, and before the Internet, most of that writing was conducted with only myself for encouragement, and…myself is not very encouraging. The confidence and general sense of an-audience-of-friends I have gained from writing here has been invaluable to me.

Last night as I was trying to fall asleep I spent quite a long time pondering one of the questions you asked, namely which is my favorite punctuation mark. Comma is the obvious choice, in that it is the one I would least like to do without, but the comma is the ur-punctuation mark. We could get by with only commas, if we had to, and if I had to be trapped on a desert island with only one punctuation mark I would want it to be a comma. BUT if I could take TWO, the other one would be the em-dash. Hands down. Admittedly, I rather overuse the dash, but pthpthpthpthththth. (That was me, sticking out my tongue out and making a rude noise at those who would constrain my dash usage.)(I also overuse parentheses.)

If I WERE trapped on a desert island with only the comma and the em-dash, look at the lovely shelter I could build!

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Why is it always a “desert island?” Why bring climate into it—surely any unpopulated island would do for those “only one album/person/makeup product” sorts of questions? Are there many desert islands? I would think by virtue of being an island and having all that water around them they wouldn’t be deserts? Do they mean “deserted?” But then why wouldn’t people just say “deserted” in the first place? Is “desert” some variant way of saying “deserted?”  I am going to corner some child at the Science Fair and make it give us an answer on this.

I am planning to do a weekend Day in the Life Post, but it will be next weekend, not this coming one, because this coming weekend will be quite atypical. It is Spring Break, and so we are spending a couple of nights in a classic Spring Break locale, namely Iowa. Nothing says “Spring Break!” quite like “Mason City” and also “Des Moines.”

I’ll tell you all about it of course—well, not ALL about it, because you know what they say: “What Happens in Mason City Stays in Mason City, Mostly Because It Turns Out It Doesn’t Make a Very Good Story.”

(Only kidding, Iowa friends!)
(It had better be warm, though. You are south of here, so I expect warmth.)
(50 days below zero this winter! 23 days with a windchill of TWENTY-FIVE BELOW ZERO or colder! 135 days below freezing! 61 inches of snow!)(I also like the exclamation point!)

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