Ministry of Grievances.

I am having one of those days. Weeks, even. And it is rude to complain because I am so lucky etc. but guess what? I am declaring this post the Official Complaints Department and I have some complaints to register and you should all feel free to do the same. No need to preface your complaint with how you KNOW it could be WORSE, just go right ahead and get down to business.

And the first person who says “yes, well at least you HAVE a job/a house/arms/whatever will be summarily shot.

1. The bottle of wine I opened last night was obviously corked and undrinkable, and so now I have no wine.

2. I have gin, but no mixers, and before you suggest a martini let me just inform you that I lost the top of my cocktail shaker (still a glass baby bottle—convenient to have measurements right on the side) so that idea is out.

3. Today is not Friday, but Thursday.

4. I am wearing an insubordinate shirt that tries desperately to curl itself up and expose me anytime I walk anywhere.

5. I have reached the peeling portion of my sunburn (which, if you follow me on Twitter, you are no doubt sick to death of hearing me complain about already) and not only is it very itchy but it is very, very disgusting, and every time I move I worry about whether or not FLAKES OF MY OWN SKIN are visibly falling from me, or dancing around my person in a Pigpen-esque cloud.

6. Today is the ten year anniversary of my first date with Scott, and instead of celebrating he will be spending the evening in training for his new second job, and I will be alone with the children during their Crabby Hours.

7. This second job, while helpful in offsetting our very high summer childcare costs, means that Scott will soon be away working on Wednesday evenings and Saturday mornings while I watch the children. Because it is my busy season, I have been in the custom of going into the office on Saturday mornings myself, because I cannot stay late enough during the week to get everything done AND pick up Simone on time. Now I will probably have to go in on Saturday afternoons, which is 1000 times worse.

8. My hair is behaving unreliably and I have had just about enough of it.

9. In order to lose weight I have to eat less food but I LOVE food.

10. Simone’s last day of school is next Monday, because they had to add a day to make up for winter cancellations, and half the kids won’t even be there so they are treating both this Friday and Monday like the Last Day and it’s DUMB.

11. We are postponing our plans to buy a house for at least a few months and every time I think about it I want to cry or smash something or even better to cry while smashing things.

12. I want to finish the essay I am working on but I am only a few paragraphs in and just thinking about how much there is still to do makes me want to retire to my bedchamber.

13. All that fancy “retire to my bedchamber” business is in there because I was going to say “makes me want to lie down” but can’t for the life of me remember lay/lie with complete certainty, and never will be able to, GOD ENGLISH WHY ARE YOU SUCH A DICK ABOUT THIS.

14. Next week Simone will finish kindergarten and Twyla will turn two which means my children are all old.

15. I have no shoes for work that are both comfortable and attractive.

I am sure I could go on, but surprisingly that has cheered me up considerably, and I now feel prepared to murmur and shake my head sympathetically at YOUR complaints. Go on, don’t be shy.

{Ed. Note: If you don’t have any complaints I will thank you to keep that information to yourself.}


  1. Rhonda says:

    My mother and her husband had plans to see blues artist Booker T this Saturday but her husband can no longer attend. She asked me to go so out of guilt I am going since neither Booker T or my mother is getting any younger etc. I live in Las Vegas and the concert is out side. It will be 107 degrees on Saturday and I hate blues music.

  2. Miriel says:

    A. I am sorry about ALL of this. It sounds TERRIBLE.
    B. BLESS YOU. My grievances are as follows:

    1. Despite being nearly twenty weeks pregnant, I still have spells of terrible nausea almost daily, usually in the evenings when I would very much like to be doing things that nausea makes unpleasant or even impossible but sometimes also randomly during the day, for instance RIGHT NOW when I was supposed to be going to yoga. I also cough so hard that I puked this morning which was exactly as unpleasant as it sounds.
    2. Due to a stupid lack of communication between the reproductive endocrinology department where we had our dating ultrasound and the OB department where we are now, my official due date according to the OB department is four full days behind my ACTUAL due date sccording to me and the REI people which doesn’t SOUND like that big of a deal but when you are still puking at 19w5d it is VERY DISHEARTENING to have someone insist that you are only 19w1d on account of that means you have to be pregnant for FOUR ENTIRE EXTRA DAYS.
    3. I realize that’s not exactly how due dates work, and BONUS, someone will be sure to point it out to me. Even though I already know.
    4. I have to go to a really stupid conference for work next week that involves driving back and forth an hour each way two days in a row, by myself on unfamiliar roads, pregnant, early in the morning and late at night. And I can’t carpool with anyone because I puke if I’m not driving.
    5. Even after typing out this list, which has made me feel emotionally better, I still feel like I am about to puke. I hate nausea. It is terrible.

    • Alexa says:

      Oh, MIRIEL. It probably doesn’t help, but I have been there, with the pregnancy sickness, and it is AWFUL and I am SORRY. The only thing I ever feel is helpful to tell people dealing with this is that as soon as the baby comes out, it will all vanish immediately–I don’t know if you are like me, but in my darkest times I used to think “I feel so awful! How can I possibly take care of a baby feeling like this!” which maybe sounds pretty dumb because you are probably more sensible than I am, but it helped when people PROMISED me I would feel instantly better when the baby was out. And I did (even though I puked up to and including the day of delivery both times)! Not that this makes it any better now, of course. As I said, it is AWFUL and I am SORRY.

      (Also, the driving an hour each way–is it to HERE?)

      • Miriel says:

        hahahaha I LOVE that you brought up the “how can I possibly take care of a baby feeling like this?” because, while I have not had that EXACT thought, I definitely had this moment where I was like, GOSH, I was way more able to take care of a baby before I got pregnant! Which might actually be dumber.

        I WISH it were to there! It’s to Winona, sadly, because that is the seat of our diocese (which I have always thought is such a weird expression, like “county seat” – “this town is the buttocks of our county”) and it’s going to be TRES LAME.

  3. heidi says:

    I was stung by a stinging, flying thing on THE HEAD, more than once while at one son’s baseball game. Two days later and my lymph nodes are swollen and the stings are oozing. Me is pretty.

  4. Liv says:

    1. I am trying to book a weekend trip with a group of friends. Calendar frustrations aside, I reached out to 20+ rental houses and have only heard back from a handful of them. I want to give you money! Why won’t you email me back?!
    2. Despite running a half marathon on Sunday, my weight is hovering at the high end of my usual range and this is making me all kinds of frustrated.
    3. My ice water is too cold – too many ice cubes came out of the thing at once and I was too lazy to dump them out at the sink.
    4. I think my preschooler is coming down with a cold.
    5. I had to fast for a blood test this morning so I didn’t get breakfast (my favorite meal) so I’ve been unusually hungry and snacky all day which isn’t helping with #2.
    6. I was trolling for leftover lunch meeting food/snacks but there are none to be found.
    7. The roof of my mouth hurts from the crusty bread I ate earlier today.

  5. cindy w says:

    I caught pink eye from my toddler, and now I have to throw away my favorite mascara because bacteria/cross-contamination/grossness.

    I have others, but that’s the main grievance of the moment. I really loved that mascara.

  6. Liz says:

    I will be 34 in August and there isn’t a sniff of a potential husband in my life. Being partnered and having children have been the only things I have ever wanted for which there is no substitute. I am tired of keeping cheerful about this. I have decided that I can’t afford to be a single parent either, given the lack of family support locally. So there goes that dream. I don’t want pity, I want a husband and children. I have tried ALL the usual strategies, several times over. I feel that this will never happen for me and this sucks.

    • Sharon says:

      Liz, I was where you are at 33. I am now 43 and married with two children. I’m sorry you are feeling discouraged, as I now how much it sucks. :-(

    • Alexa says:

      You are under absolutely NO obligation to keep cheerful about this. None. I am hoping it WILL happen for you, one way or another, but you certainly should not feel obligated to keep feeling hopeful and stiff-upper-lip-ish yourself.

    • Jessica says:

      At 34 I was in a violent, miserable marriage with a man I was afraid to leave. At 36 I ran from our house with 2 bags over my shoulder. At 38 I was married again and pregnant. At 47 I have 2 daughters and my beloved second husband and a Siamese cat that pees on anything I care about. I want very much for you to have a husband and children – I want that for you. But please avoid the cat.

  7. Sharon says:

    I can relate absolutely to #3 and #9.

    I will also add the following:

    1. I only have energy and motivation to accomplish projects at home while I am at work (and never while at home) and get my better ideas for work things while at home. Why is that?
    2. The daytime high temperatures here are now approximately the same as the surface of the sun, making all outdoor activities with our two 2-year-old sons non-options until probably mid-to-late October. (Think mid-winter in Minnesota, but without the pretty snow to look at.)
    3. I am tired of having to think about things like budgets and retirement savings and responsible spending. Adulthood isn’t all I thought it would be.

    • Anna says:

      Oh yes #1 is me exactly. I make grand, sweeping plans for later around 11am everyday then have to cancel when I crawl home from work at 7pm.

    • ccr in MA says:

      Must say AMEN to 1 and 3. At work, I think, “I could be doing this! Or that! Or that!” And then once home, it’s, “Eh, sit on the couch with a book or knitting, and the cat.” And boy, growing up is not what I thought it would be, either. It sucks so much more often than I expected!

    • Kristi says:

      Oh God yes on 2 and 3. I live (I am not FROM!!! I LIVE IN!!! another grievance) in the South and it is hot and I’m from New York (FROM!!!!) and I DO NOT LIKE THIS.

      But yeah… adulthood? Not so much what I imagined.

    • Alexa says:

      I am SO glad someone brought up #1, because I somehow forgot to add it to my own list of grievances? What is that phenomenon? I make these ambitious to-do lists at work, and then come home and basically sink to the floor as if all the air has been let out of me.

      It is related to the (also complaint-worthy) phenomenon of resolving things at night before you fall asleep–I have a sudden burst of mental energy as I lie/lay/WHATEVER there, and think of all I will do the next day, and then…well. I think we all know how this ends.

      • Sharon says:

        YES! I also find that I often have a sudden burst of mental energy just as I am trying to fall asleep. These are (one of) the times I wish I had a trained monkey beside me to take notes at all times so my best thoughts don’t escape. . . .

  8. Jessica says:

    My husband has a sunburn in the same phase with you and because I am very nice, I’ve been scratching his back but then it’s a snowfall of skin. Very gross!

    My complaint for today is that I had more than one phone call to a customer about an order and my 2 year old kept barging in and making noise. I know she’s two and the person was mostly nice but when my work and my life cross over, it stresses me out. Working from home is fun!!

  9. Anna says:

    Ohhh yes this is perfect timing.

    1. I am getting married next year, which is a WONDROUS, JOYFUL time, but I mean. The money. The amount of money we are cheerfully starting to spend is actually shocking. It makes me faint just thinking about what we’ll spend on a hotel room for the wedding night, especially since we live WITHIN A TEN MINUTE WALK from said hotel.

    2. I am also getting Lasik soon. If you sense the theme of heightened money panic, bingo! And for years my relationship with corrective eyewear has been shaky at best (dry eyes with contacts, glasses hurt). But now of course I am getting strangely nostalgic about being a glasses wearer? And also starting to panic about the possibility of accidental blindness.

    3. Coworker problems. I hate to badmouth a fellow Woman in the Workplace but holy shit she’s a bitch.

    4. Tonight my best friend and I invited our other friend for a quiet dinner, and she is inviting her extremely bland, mousey friend to come along. Can we not have one single solitary event that doesn’t require additional people? All I want is a platonic ménage à trois, if you will.

    5. I have a headache. Probably from my stupid contacts that I hate.

  10. Kristen says:

    It is not Friday yet. How? How can this be possible?
    My forehead sunburn is gross, itchy and peely. It is really unattractive.
    When will this week be over?!?!

  11. Ashley says:

    I’ve spent the past seven years slaving over a young-adult novel that may never see the light of day (light of print?), and having just received yet another query rejection, am feeling rather like quitting the whole ordeal and curling up with a large bowl of ice cream instead. Deep down I know that in about an hour I’ll have a change of heart and love my book again enough to send out another batch of queries, knowing full well that I am setting myself up for another round of possible heartbreak, thus repeating a never-ending cycle of a Test Your Ego game that is so not fun.

    • Kristi says:

      I have an MFA in Creative Writing and you are preaching to the choir. Also, QueryTracker is an amazing thing, if it’s not a thing you use already.

      You learn an awful lot about query letters, agents, probability and It’s Really Not Your Fault in an MFA program, though. So that’s a thing.

    • Alexa says:

      I ate more ice cream while I was waiting to hear from my now-agent than any human has ever consumed in a similar time period. Ice cream is an excellent coping method. I recommend living down the block from an ice creamery, like I do, so that you can combine your pacing and your ice cream consumption.

  12. Lawyerish says:

    1. I do not ever have time to blog (or when I do scrounge together the time, I can’t think of a SINGLE THING to write about), and I miss it. I compose posts in my head all the time, and then they disappear forever the moment I open the Compose screen.
    2. I am perpetually bloated and have managed to find myself multiple pounds above the weight I had been for about ten years straight, aside from pregnancy and nursing-time, which I maintained with zero effort on my part. I am hoping to pin it on the pill I’m on and thus lose it effortlessly when I get an IUD placed (tomorrow!), but I fear it is just Middle Age Creeping Weight Gain and I’ll actually have to, like, watch what I eat and Make Healthy Choices all the time going forward, but I hate doing those things.
    3. I am perpetually envious of friends who, in short, have more money and better real estate than we do. Also friends who do not have to work at paying jobs. I don’t want a LOT more than I have now; I just want, like, one more bedroom, more flexibility time-wise, and less financial pressure.
    4. We have reached the season when my hair looks stupid no matter what I do with it.
    5. I really enjoy getting out and doing summery things with Felicity, but I get VERY tired of the constant sunscreen application (for both of us). Someone needs to invent a sunscreen pill.

  13. Amy says:

    Yuck. But thanks for the opportunity, and I’m glad it made you feel better for now at least.

    Beta hell: waiting on a beta hCG number to try and determine if the early miscarriage I thought was over and done with is in fact still fucking about confusedly…and perhaps doing so in a tube. Pretty sure you can’t have wine for a while if you have to get a methotrexate shot? That seems horribly unfair.

    • Alexa says:

      I do not miss Beta Hell one single bit, and I am so sorry, and you have my sincere wishes that whatever is happening is NOT happening in a tube. I have always thought the no drinking post methotrexate shot is just adding insult to injury.

  14. Katherine says:

    Oh, good lord, yes, I need this!
    So, my list of grievances:
    1. My ankle is swollen and i cannot move it and it hurts so badly I cannot sleep, only… I never injured it.
    2. I hobble around and feel like an ass telling people i have no idea why i’m limping and i just woke up this way a few days ago.
    3. This is the state my mind is in: i keep thinking I have some funky terminal disease that manifests itself in sudden ankle swelling. Or i have early-onset dementia and cannot remember how the f*** i messed up my ankle.
    4. I want another baby. But i am kind of old. And so is hubby. And we’re infertile. And we’re both messed up in the head (see item 3, for example) and pretty overwhelmed as is, and, with our medical histories it’s not very unlikely that the baby would have issues, and, rationally, it would be a really bad idea to even try. But oh, how i wish i could have another (healthy) baby.
    5. I turn 40 in a few months. Other than my kids, i have thus far accomplished nothing that i am proud of.
    6. My husband is sucking the dear life out of me. I am generally happier when he is away on business trips.
    7. My husband and I have been together for 20 years. (This fact belongs on this list because of item 6).
    8. My thyroid has wrecked havoc on my hair. I don’t think it’s ever going to grow back.
    9. I have some pretty clothes but all i want to wear are my comfy fave jeans, but it’s getting too hot for them, AND they are almost torn between the thighs (i have thunder thighs — and no, I refuse to put this down as another item on my list!) which means they can only survive a couple more washes, and then, i have no idea what i am going to wear.
    10. My list is not making me feel better.
    11. I think my list could go on forever…

  15. a says:

    Our workplace is moving to a new location in approximately 18 days, and our management has made NO CONCRETE PLANS for how anything is to be moved. I work in a crime lab, and moving things like, say, evidence…or computers really require some sort of planning. Also, we still have no desks and half of our lab area is completely unusable. I suppose, if we can’t use our lab area, I shouldn’t worry about the lack of planning of the move. It will take us months to get to a place where we can potentially use the actual lab.

    Also, my husband is a bit of a pain because he requires applause, confetti, and a parade for every task he completes around the house. Whereas I (according to him) am expected to do all of those things, so why would I look for praise?

    Irritability level: 1000 on a scale of 1-10 :) Thanks for the venting arena.

    • Alexa says:

      YESSSSSSS re: husbands requiring marching bands, fireworks, etc. for basic household tasks.

      Your first item is terrifying. NO CONCRETE PLANS? (But also exciting, because YOU WORK IN A CRIME LAB?)

  16. Issa says:

    Retire to your bedchamber. Oh how I love that line. It sounds so…something. Love it.

    I have nine days until I go on vacation. My boss seems to want to give me every single project in the world between now and then. Also? Nine days is forever.

    My twelve year old is having very big sucky issues and I don’t feel like I can talk about it online at all when all I want to do is talk about it and ask for help or support or something.

    Snakes have taken over my yard because I can’t seem to mow it enough. No matter how many times my nine year old tells me they are harmless, I still have a heart attack every single flipping day.

    I do not have air conditioning. While I live in Denver and we don’t need it all summer, it is horrible trying to sleep when my house doesn’t cool off on the nights we do need it.

    I HATE my job but have no energy to look for anything else, so I’m still here, hating my job, six years later. :(

    • Sharon says:

      Issa, you have my sympathy for all your stated woes, but I can especially relate to your last grievance. There is nothing like hating your job when it takes up so many of your waking hours. I hope either things improve or you find the energy to look for a better situation soon.

    • Jessica says:

      I’m impressed by the snakes. That’s a unique and worthy complaint. And for your 12-year old child I hope this big sucky issue slithers away with the snakes. Because 12 year olds should never have real problems – the imaginary problems are hideous enough.

  17. GingerB says:

    I tried to take my lawnmower to the fix a small engine place, got my kids safely elsewhere so I could fold down the back seats, lifted the bastard thing into my car, drove down the alley, and had the handle break my back window (heated, tinted, expensive window) so then spent the rest of the day trying to get it fixed so I could retrieve my children. Husbands are supposed to do this stuff, and mine killed himself. $500 and still a damn widow. My suckage knows no bounds,

    • Amanda says:

      I quit my job to start grad school and my husband works nights so we never see each other and I never see my 4 year old either except yay, right at bedtime and my mother and sister have pretty much gone straight from eccentric to BatShitCrazy and my best friend killed herself in January and I can’t even bitch about all of this to her anymore which pisses me off and it all really sucks. I just wanted to let you know… Yeah. It is boundless suckage. Here’s a virtual hug.

  18. amelie says:

    1) Like Katherine I have an injury (knee) – and I have NO idea how it happened. I look like an idiot limping around and I am going on a vacation for which I have saved money for 5 years and which will require much walking.
    2) My mother is going on this trip with me and she fell and broke her foot exactly 6 weeks to the day from the day we get on the plane. Two of use will be limping.
    3)Like Issa I have unbloggable “child” of 17 issues which make me either want to cry or commit homicide on a daily basis. She is going on the trip (too young to stay alone) while I have asked the pleasant older sister to stay home to avoid conflict. Therefore I will limp and be miserable on a vacation which is costing 5 years of saving.
    4) It is not Friday.
    Amazing how many of us share the same problems – perspective and all makes me feel a little better.

  19. Swistle says:

    I am right there with you on number 9. RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. I keep doing the math on it, and it keeps coming out impossible.

    Also, apparently EXERCISE is involved.

    I can’t always figure out when to use “both” and when to use “each,” and Paul DOES know, and he CORRECTS me, using JOKES.

    We have ANTS.

    There was a PREGNANT SPIDER in my bathroom this morning, and I could not figure out what was the ethical thing to do about it.

    People still expect me to make PHONE CALLS, and it KEEPS HAPPENING.

    I can’t find sneakers I like.

    But! I am keeping hydrated, because I am mixing sparkling water with my gin. This is good for my HEALTH.

    • Swistle says:

      ALSO: I cannot figure out what to do about SUMMER CLOTHES. I used to wear pedal pushers (longer than knee-length, shorter than the capris that look like highwaters on my short legs), and now no one is making them, which probably means they’re the ultimate in dork. And I hate sandals because I hate getting ANY dust on my feet, but everything else is hot and looks wrong.

      • Kristi says:

        I don’t know if they’re exactly the length you’re looking for, but I wear similar pants-ish/shorts-ish/capris-ish whatevers and I found them at Target.

  20. ks grandma says:

    A foul wind blew through this morning and left lots of limbs laying around. Some apple, some hedge, some hackberry, some maple, some oak, some walnut, and dang it all – my favorite redbud is mostly in a pile on the ground. I am old (!), and have breathing issues – like I prefer/need actual air, not just water w/a small helping of air on the side – so I suspect it will take me a very long time to get it all cleaned up. I will also need to beg someone to come with a chainsaw, because several of those limbs are simply too big to move without first cutting them up.

    Hate foul winds. And there is no more in the forecast until, oh, let’s see – tonight through sunday? Give me a break! No! Not that kind!

    • Dawn K. says:

      I wonder by your name if you don’t also reside in the Sunflower State like I do. If you’re in Topeka or Lawrence (or somewhere relatively close) let me know and I can help!

      • ks grandma says:

        Dawn – Finding your note is making my morning oh, so much better. Thank you for your kind offer. I am west of you by too many miles (Abilene area). There is a very kind young man living close to me who has offered his services – to help me on his day off – it does give me hope for the future – you know, in general, but definitely hope in my own future. Thanks again!

        Melanie – I know! It’s like the weather patterns are too out of control. On the weather tonight they showed the same storm system wrecking havoc across several states. Reigns in our ability for much sympathy when so many are struggling with the same issues! Doesn’t seem to reign in ones ability to file our grievances about it though. Hm. . .

  21. A'Dell says:

    Claire published a unfinished draft today and she had no idea what she did or how but she did it and now it’s in alllllll the RSS feeds. I am SO SO SO tired of not being able to have ANYTHING that is mine that people will just STOP TOUCHING.

    Preston is so cranky, all the time today, and nothing makes it better.

    It is already hot.

    Charlotte and Claire WILL NOT STOP FIGHTING.

    Every night, my family wants to eat dinner. Every night. This feels excessive. I hate making dinner.

    • Sharon says:

      A’Dell, I literally LOL’d at your last grievance. My sons also expect to eat dinner every night. The nerve! I never prepared this meal daily before they had to eat it every night. :-)

  22. elana says:

    13. this one killed me. i laughed out loud and my family thinks i’m a lunatic.

    i have so much to complain about that i can’t even put it all into words right now. thank you for this post.

  23. Amy says:

    A little over a year ago, we packed up our 4 kids and moved from NJ to Miami for my husband, who hated his job and found a new one. We left our lovely home, my job, friends, and family, to this hellishly hot place where we know no one and the moms use Louis Vuitton totes as diaper bags.

    My husband just confided to me that he hates his new job. To give me credit, I walked away instead of freaking out. Even if he truly hates it, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT. I gave up everything so he could be happy, and the fact that he’s not happy really makes me furious.

    Also, my kids last day of school was today. I already want to cry. They’ve eaten half the food I bought at the supermarket this morning and taken every single toy out in a frenzy of “yay it’s summer”. 25 days until camp.

    • KathyM. says:

      You deserve some sort of helpful response to your gripe–the one where you give up all wonderful things so your husband can be happy working, and now he HATES the new job–but I don’t seem to have one. I have been crabby and critical of my husband lately–can he do nothing right?–but really, propping the door open and forgetting to close it and the inside cat becomes the outdoor cat?! When he came in with said kitty, I told him that he was a very lucky man to have found her. And this little quibble compared to what you are experiencing? Almost nothing (can’t call it nothing because I love my kitty). I would be so furious in your shoes I would…would…I’m not sure what I’d do, but at least a trip home until school resumes would be at the forefront of my mind. I am so sorry and wish you the very best outcome–finding your soul sister somewhere down there to vent to, for example.

    • Jessica says:

      Ok, how do we say anything that could make this better? Oh God, I swear I can feel your frustration right through the internets, days after you posted this. Husbands. They are really good to have in the trenches of life but sometimes they need to put on their big boy boots and do some marching. Yep, that metaphor didn’t really work. Still no way to comment except that I just want to say, “Hells Bells – that’s a worthy complaint!”

    • Melinda R says:

      My husband has been commuting a hundred miles a day to work in a neighboring state for years. Last year he started a doctoral program in said neighboring state, for which we are paying exorbitant out-of-state tuition, and which causes him to leave the house at 6 AM and return at midnight several days a week. We just bought a house where he works and goes to school, with a budget stretching (hopefully not breaking) mortgage payment. I start my new job next week, a transfer to a vastly inferior facility local to our new home…And my dear husband was just put on “administrative leave” after running his fool mouth on Facebook with commentary about an unfortunate occurrence at his place of employment. He may or may not still have a job when all is said and done, and we haven’t even moved into the new house yet! I think I am going to go have a nervous breakdown now. If anyone needs me, I’ll be curled up in her with the covers over my head.

  24. Tamara says:

    1. Manny is no longer a sleepy tiny baby who sleeps while the tv is on at night so I can’t watch my stories any more (our only good dvr tv is in our bedroom).
    2. I changed the batteries in my book light so I could read instead of watch my stories, but now it’s too bright and princess buttercup wakes up for that too.
    3. Why don’t I read in another room? I hate all of our other furniture.
    4. I’m reading a book about getting your child to eat and basically I’m learning that I have to cook food and eat it with him and I don’t want to eat dinner at 5:30 like a senior citizen and it’s making me really grumpy.

  25. Carrie says:

    I love this post so much. I have many many grievances but will try to list just a few:

    1) My house is a mess and I don’t have a maid so I have to clean it and I have no interest in cleaning it, nor do I have the energy.
    2) I have to cook dinner every night for my family and I hate cooking.
    3) I weigh more than I would like to and yet I don’t seem to be willing or able to do anything about it.
    4) Everyone on FB seems to be living a better life than me.
    5) I have incredible guilt about all of the above.

    I think that will do for now.

    I love love love your writing. I laughed out loud about your skin flakes floating around your person like pig pen. Thank you for the laugh. I needed it.


  26. ccr in MA says:

    I don’t know for certain if this is correct, but I choose to believe it is: the way to remember lay/lie is that only people can lie. Therefore, you would lie down, but if you have a book in your hand and put it down, you lay the book on the table. Like that. Maybe it helps with #13?

    As for me, mine are all “but it’s part of a good thing” complaints:
    1. I’m thrilled to have started a good new job, but overwhelmed and exhausted by it. I hate change! Even for the better.
    2. They ordered lunch for us today, and I chose a sandwich I thought was on delicious crusty bread, but it turned out to be on a semi-soggy croissant. Who wants a sandwich on a croissant?
    3. I finally got myself a little tablet to carry around, and the case I ordered for it doesn’t fit. Wrong model. I swear I checked! But why would they make them a quarter inch different from each other?

    • MJ says:

      My husband always says, “Lay takes a direct object.” (There’s a dirty joke buried in there.) Bob Dylan evidently didn’t know that, or ignored it because “lay” sounds much better in the song.

  27. Anne says:

    My teenager got out of the psych hospital yesterday and I didn’t even get a honeymoon period of decent behavior. We are back where we were before. I have a full inventory of the names he’s called me today, if anyone has someone they want to tell off.

    • Jessica says:

      Here’s another one that breaks my heart. I’m sorry – I wish your grievance was more about tiny ants making a food trail from the door to the garage across the kitchen floor to the garbage can. That’s the type of grievance that seems so icky (it is in fact one of mine) but then when confronted with a teenage child in such crisis and a parent desperately trying to keep their game face on… I just wish it was otherwise for you.

  28. Lemonadefish says:

    The baby won’t let me eat chocolate, and so I had been consoling myself with cake, but now it’s too hot to bake anything, and husband won’t fetch me any, and baby is too little to go to the store, and all I’ve got are some Target-brand fruit snacks that aren’t any good, and a bag and a half of Cadbury mini eggs that are just sitting there taunting me.

    Also there was a swarm of termites in my bedroom on Monday. Presumably thy are related to those whom we had “eradicated” last summer. It was only the extreme fatigue of baby care that kept me from burning the whole house down.

  29. Kristi says:

    First I like food also and I bought one of those Fitness Things (Fitbit Flex for the curious) and it has an app and smiley faces and it tells me to walk 10,000 steps, which seems like a lot but it’s really not, and apparently people lose weight that way, and it’s encouraging. So there’s that, if you like food and want to passively lose weight.

    Complaints: People taking advantage of me at work. Being unable to say no. My house is not miraculously cleaning itself and my husband is not a mindreader like he should be. I didn’t win the lottery that I didn’t play. I wonder if I am getting all of this education for absolutely no reason whatsoever and am thusly putting myself and my husband in debt for a useless pipe dream. And most importantly: I’m afraid I’ll never be mentally health-ish ready enough to have a baby and I have no one I can talk to about it.

  30. Curly Girl says:

    This is the best idea, thank you!

    1)Baby was croupy last night. I’m guessing tonight will be the same.
    2)I’ve been felled by a horrid head cold or sinus infection.
    3)Summer activities require either massive planning for 3 kids or money. No one plans long term things except me, so I’m over-stressed/feel as if everyone’s happiness and plans depend on me.
    4)While it’s not scorching hot yet, the humidity has been so oppressive. Trapped indoors basically.
    5)my depression is a bit better, but still causing chaos. I’m convinced everyone dislikes me.
    6)Our 4 year-old has been possessed by a teenager’s bad attitude and defiance levels. I routinely want to bang my head against the wall.

    • KathyM. says:

      Four-year-olds have been called “the little lawyers,” who love to point out your mistakes, but hate anyone to tell them anything, because they already KNOW.

  31. Elizabeth says:

    I’m so sorry you are having such a shit time, so far 2014 has been suck a bag of dicks

    1) the project I had been working on for 80 hours a week for the past eighteen months has completely shit the bed and I can no longer keep it together through sheer force of personality. Am epic failure at life.
    2) said project of course left no room for exercise or wise personal decisions leading to weight gain. After seeing my parents, my aforementioned fat ass led my father to email my husband on the sly, begging him to meet and discuss what is to be done about my weight. Feeling completely humiliated and betrayed by father I trusted implicitly. Because REALLY?!
    3) A test that I had been studying for, for months I spectacularly failed, after which I learned they updated the knowledge guide and therefore the entire test at new year. Because I don’t follow PMP blogs, and have yet to fork out the thousand bucks for member fees, I had literally no idea. The new book arrived today and it is so drastically different I just want to lay down and die. I am an over achieving Type A ; and failed miserably due to a completely preventable circumstance. Unggggggg.
    4) A douche pontoon male co-worker patted me on the head and said ‘good girl’. Patted me on the head, like a dog.
    5) the pollen count in my little Oregon town is so high the inside of my mouth has been itching for the better part of a month. I often arrive to work with my mascara somewhere around my neck and appear to be crying fourteen hours a day due to watery eyes.
    6)my house and yard have reached hovel levels and my husband constantly wants to go out on weekends, leaving no time for cleaning, maintaining our quiet time for this introvert.
    7) I’m officially suck of the sound out my own voice, both internal and external. Sigh.

    Thanks for the safe venting place, I hope all of you experiencing stress and pain find some peace soon.

  32. Sonja says:

    My son gave me his cold in the 40th week of pregnancy. Not only does an epidural do nothing for tonsil pain, but coughing the first day postpartum? Everytime I do it feels like someone just kicked me in the lady business.

  33. Melanie says:

    I would like to not stop having horrific periods stat. Being anemic and fearing every small errand will end in total humiliation less you bleed thru everything in under an hour (usually I can get a whole hour but… and then what do you do with your small children who are too old to be in the bathroom with you (NO CHILD should have to see that holy mess), yet too young to comfortably be left outside said bathroom? The 6 and 9 year old are really sick of standing just outside the door so I can see their feet (not to mention the 9 year old is male and thinks he is breaking every law on the books by venturing into a ladies room)… *sigh*

    • Rhonda says:

      So sorry, been there. A particular shopping trip to Kohl’s will for ever give me nightmares. Turned out to be fibroids for me.

  34. Kelly Potter says:

    First, I am terribly sorry about your troubles. What a bullshit! Second, I am a lurker for years, but complaining is my thing and I have a biggie this week:

    1. I have been trying to get pregnant for 2 years. I want desperately to be a mother. Nothing is working. I found out on Tuesday that my best friend from high school is pregnant ACCIDENTALLY! SHE NEVER EVEN WANTED KIDS!!! I am aware that life is not fair, but I am reeling over how monstrously, monumentally unfair this is.
    2. I am doing all the things I used to to get myself in shape but nothing is working. I am beginning t suspect it’s to do with my age and metabolism and all that makes me want to do is eat chocolate. Screw it!
    3. The skin on my heels is so cracked and peeling and I just don’t want to deal with it.
    4. I live in arizona. It has been more than 100 degrees every day for over a week and it technically isn’t even summer yet.
    5. I think that’s it. I do feel a bit better. Thanks for encouraging the complaining. Sometimes it’s the only thing that takes the edge off. Except for wine, of course.

  35. Melissa says:

    Oh! Oh! So glad to know I’m not the only one having a horrendously shitty week.

    Without delay:
    1. I painted my toenails four times today, on my vacation day. But it is so humid that they take forever to dry, and I’m not good at sitting still. So. F O U R T I M E S.

    2. I work in higher education and am able to provide FREE COLLEGE TUITION to any of my four offspring. The two eldest, who I did not give birth to, have both elected (one 3 years ago, one this week) to NOT use the free tuition, because, as their mother says, ‘college isn’t for everyone’.

    3. My sister is engaged (to the same man) for the third time (they have never married). The FIRST time, I was asked to be a bridesmaid. The SECOND time, I was asked to be maid of honor. THIS time I’ve been demoted to just helping her find the dress, plan the shower and bachelorette party & design the invitations. Her ‘friends’ are going to be in the wedding.

    4. My proposal to present at a conference in October has been accepted – Portland, here I come…maybe. My husband’s hours prevent him for caring for the children while I’m gone, and I can’t find a single, solitary person to help me figure out how to get the children to school/daycare and make them dinner, put them to bed. Regardless of how much help I give to everyone else!

    5. My six year old and my two year old are also old (but I’m not able to use italics, so the emphasis is implied).

    Thank you. I do feel a bit better.

  36. Jenn H. says:

    What? You have gin? Thank your lucky stars, woman! ;) (I love gin and can sip it straight, though I understand that that sort of thing’s not everyone’s cup of…gin.)

    It’s all the little things that wear away, isn’t it? I’m glad blogging about them has made you feel better. My grievances include the timing of the grass pollen season that has caused me to have a sinus infection brewing all week (or at least just feeling nasty without being all-out ill), plus all of us (hubster, Young Boy, and I) all not getting enough sleep Wednesday, and what with Thursday being my birthday, the best we could do yesterday was open my gifts from them, get take-out, and go to bed early. The birthday cake will be eaten this weekend, I hope.

    And today marks 70 years since D-Day, and I feel like an idiot for complaining at all about my life, because at least I’ve not had to live through a war in my own country.

  37. Jenny Grace says:

    I just posted a list of grievances on my own blog. Is this week not the WORST?
    Short version:
    I totaled my car and I keep waking up in the morning thinking it’s the weekend and it’s still the week and not the weekend at all.

  38. Elise says:

    After a year and half of intense house hunting, more than six offers that were rejected and increasing our budget way beyond our comfort zone, we realized that we aren’t able to buy a decent sized house in a coummutable town with a good school district. Instead, we will buy upsize to a decent sized house in our current town and spend the next 8 years worrying about what is going to happen when the girls enter middle school.

    My parents should have pushed me to go into business/finance, what were they thinking? All the people buying the decent sized houses in commutable towns with good school districts are in business/finance. Also, I hate business/finance.

  39. Sarah says:

    I take the River Road to work, from St. Paul to the U’s East Bank. Every day this week, I’ve gotten stuck behind some nitwit driving the actual speed limit of 25, which everyone knows is comically too low and that you should actually drive 34, because my god do you have nowhere to be in your life?? I DO.

  40. LaFawne says:

    My main complaint for today? that you don’t write more often for your blog! Absolutely LOVE this blog post- and all of your wonderfully descriptive commenters! You folks are really talented, even if you are all a bit unhinged at the moment. :)
    I hope all of the complaints get resolved happily, but I hope you all keep on writing and commenting

  41. jen says:

    I have several but I’ll leave just the very worst one. The neighbor and I somehow managed to back into one another, which totaled my paid-off car (her’s is an SUV, mine was a tiny car, hers won). My car was 9 years old so of course we only had collision coverage on it. It was determined to be 50/50 fault so I only received half of my car’s value. And we just bought my husband a new car last August and used most of our savings for that. We ended up purchasing an SUV, which was at the very top of a very lean budget. But now I resent the SUV because I can’t stop to get coffee on Friday mornings (which was previously the only day I allowed myself coffee shop coffee) because it’s not in the lean budget! And we have to stick exactly to the budget or we will not be able to afford the stupid SUV. The worst is knowing I’ve done this to myself, ON PURPOSE. We were planning to get an SUV but in about 3 years time, once we’d had time to save up again.

  42. Elise says:

    I have more!

    Bloggers (not you, never you) who reference and/or lament the “changing landscape of blogging” for various changes in their work, lifestyle and blogging frequency. I need details, people, WTF are they talking about? Also, don’t they realize that there is a whole “changing landscape” in the economy in general? My industry is changing; there is 0% chance that my current job will be available to me within the year. And a really good chance that if I want to continue doing what I’m doing, that it will be as a contractor with no benefits, for significantly less money and no chance of advancement.

    Entrepeneurship is a dirty word for me, I have never, nor do I currently want to work for myself. Yet, this is more than likely my fate in the “changing landscape” of my industry where we’ve been told from the highest levels (i.e. I heard the CEO speak these words) that we will be in a state of constant change and we should get used to it or leave.

    My jeans are too tight, and it’s because I eat too much crap.

  43. Courtney says:

    1. I though ieas getting regular chips, but realuzes they were hawaiian BBQ once i got to my desk. They are not good.
    2.My supervisor and i are borh annoyed by tbeguy who keeps trying to get us to do his job, and by him not doing his job, it has relly screwed things up for us today, and our boss is not here today for us to talk to about it, for the third time.
    3. My house is not self cleaning.
    4. I almost knocked over the woman at work who just had knee surgery.

  44. Hillary says:

    I am with you with hating the “in order to weigh less you have to eat less food and yet food is yummy” thing. It sucks.

    My complaints:
    My son shared his cold with me, and also with his dad. We have the exact same cold, and yet in my husband’s mind, he’s way sicker than I am.
    It is starting to look like the only way I will get to have a second child is if we use a surrogate and I am not handling it well.
    I had to go see my dad in the hospital (a whole other stressful disaster) and of course I had to walk right past maternity to do it. Stress x2.
    I could really use a vacation but it doesn’t look like there is one happening in the near future. Or really at any point this year. Sigh.

  45. Suebob says:

    1. I went to a meeting where someone was sick and I had to use their computer to present with. Now I think I have her illness. Tickly throat, tired, etc.
    2. At work, I have been assigned a project where decisions have not been made and no one can tell me what is going on, but I’m supposed to create a communication plan.
    3. I may have a medical problem, or it may be menopause, and I’m having a hard time telling which.
    4. The house is filthy and I have no time to fix it.
    5. Need a haircut but have no time etc.

  46. Heather says:

    We moved this week and our couch will not, cannot make it upstairs. So I am emergency couch shopping today, for a cheap couch that is still cute.

    Also, must figure out how to dispose of old couch.

    The dryer in the new apartment isn’t working properly, and I had to put on damp khakis this morning.

    I think my hair has skipped going silver and is turning white.

    The audio book I wanted to borrow via library isn’t available. I had to place a HOLD and now must wait.

    I’m thumb typing on my phone, which is a pain — I could complain more, but I’d need a keyboard.

    My husband travels this week for work — Sunday-Friday. He’s done this a lot lately and I miss him. :(

  47. kristin says:

    1. I work full time and have 3 kids which means I can never do or be enough for it or them or my husband or myself.
    2. I feel horribly guilty about number 1 but also feel wonderfully fulfilled at my job.
    3. Paradox in #2 feeds the guilt spiral.
    4. Have gained 10 pounds since going back to work 3 months ago.
    5. WTF, #4, you’re an asshole.
    6. Lonewolfing for the third weekend in two months. Did I mention I have 3 kids?
    7. Baby in the midst of a brutal sleep regression.
    8. Oh, I hear the music, I guess my time is up…

  48. sally says:

    1. I had to address a staff member for illegally sporting a hat today. (I work in a hostile, hat-free environment.)

    2. My ex-husband’s pregnant girlfriend will give birth any moment now. (It’s not his.) (Long story.)

    3. My car is making a funny noise.

    4. I have an eczema patch on the back of my neck, and also I just got a haircut so now everyone can see the eczema patch that I didn’t know was there before I got the haircut.

    5. I ate too many cashews.

  49. Allie says:

    1. The dog has had a stomach bug for two days, resulting in hourly trips outside for Important Business. This means no quality sleep for anyone (we thought this wouldn’t start until we had a baby!) and juggling of the work schedules so that we don’t come home to a shit-covered puppy in his crate. I constantly question whether we are Bad Pet Owners for not immediately taking him to the vet.

    2. I know I’m lucky to be ABLE to work from home some days, but of course I left half of what I require AT THE OFFICE, resulting in two supremely unproductive days. Guilt.

    3. I am supposed to finish my PhD this summer, as is the husband. In order to do this I will have actually Write A Dissertation. This is scary and I’d rather just watch Netflix most of the time.

    4. Husband has been offered and accepted a postdoc in Italy, where my employment options will be limited. I will be going with him nonetheless, as all my applications here and elsewhere have yet to result in an actual paying job. I am excited, and resentful, and scared that I’m giving up my career before it starts, and also excited because Italy. But in order for this move to ever happen, see #3.

    5. We’re both planning on/hoping for careers in academia. Just like every other career path in our “rapidly changing landscape,” options are limited and our outlook is bleak. Italy will provide a three-year contract, that’s it. When the hell does one start a family??

    Thanks for the space! This was the best idea ever, Alexa.

  50. KathyM. says:

    I have been dieting since I was fourteen (1965) and wonder when I can stop. That’s 62 years old, for you who are as bad at math as I am. I’m oldish. I just ate a whole bowl carrots, a few pretzels and drank a cup of coffee to try to get to dinner (which, yes, I have to make because we just spent a week in San Francisco [I know–what am I complaining about?!] and spent SO MUCH MONEY ON MEALS OUT that I feel too guilty NOT to cook) without eating something highly caloric, because: see the first sentence. And I have to ride my bike tonight–yes, you’re right exercise IS involved, and I much prefer to read and snack instead–and I should be weeding the gardens–why do we have such a HUGE yard? And why isn’t it all grass instead of garden beds? Why not pave the whole place? Sorry for this complaint, all you who wish you had a big yard. Still.

    Also I bought a bunch of raspberries on sale to make freezer jam out of, and now I don’t want to make any jam.

    I agreed to make earrings for a fund-raising event which we will pack into swagbagsWed., and again, I don’t want to. Why don’t I keep my mouth shut? What I WANT to do is watch ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK all night.

    The dog is on antibiotics, and getting pills down her is a problem. But she’s better, so I’m an unfeeling human to resent yet more pills. She is very old. No complaints allowed.

    My grandchildren live two hours away. Why don’t they move HERE?! It’s a nice town. Or I’ll move there! But my 92-year-old father would miss me a lot, so we’re going nowhere.

    And finally, I had to buy shorts up a size from last year, and the shorts that were really a bit big on me when I bought them ARE TIGHT. Hell.

  51. Boomer says:

    1) Allergies are so bad that my when I look down the bridge of my nose, I can see the (rather alarming) swelling on the left side of my nostrils

    2) I bought darling boat shoes that I have not been able to wear again after the first wearing (to walk the dog/go to farmer’s market last Sunday) b/c they gave me such disgusting blisters (sorry, I know how gross that is)

    3) I almost can’t just get to this complaint w/out prefacing how GENERALLY happy in love blah-bliggidy-blah-blah, BUT: Why can’t the BF ever wash a dish? He’s off today (Friday), but now that it’s warm, he spends his ENTIRE days off in the outdoors. And yes, there’s lots needs doing out there, but laundry mountains and gross dishes won’t understand that he’s “done enough for the day” and then magically clean themselves. So I’ll get off from this HELLACIOUS day (after a hellacious week – seriously what is going on in the cosmos??) and have to clean the kitchen, in the heat even if I just want to put a frozen pizza in the oven AND OH MY GOD I AM GETTING SO MAD THINKING ABOUT THIS I NEED TO STOP

    4) I could just put “work” down here, but will instead clarify with “My usually absent boss is even MORE absent now b/c of some rather serious crisis with her in-laws that I frankly can’t even care about because, though that makes me sound heartless, I just can’t take on any more without some grave damage to my sanity, health or both… But am being forced to”

    That’s it for now.

    Whee! This is actually kind of … fun, though in a macabre way.

    Hope things look up for you too, Axela – Now I’m off to buy mixer so I can imbibe just enough gin to send this day right off to hell where it belongs.

  52. nancyk says:

    My divorce is been final for over four years and ex is happily remarried. I try not to think about the fact that it looks very likely I’ll never have a date again. The kids and the job are fine- so I make myself concentrate on that!

  53. Lori says:

    My husband had an Ivy League PhD and teaches college, but get paid so little that I got a part time job just so we can afford to take a vacation! Sound stupid, but I haven’t been on a trip since my honeymoon which was 21 years ago.

    • Jessica says:

      Really? That one hit me hard. I want you guys to go on vacation – on a wonderful trip and that you come home full of incredible memories and a huge appreciation for each other and your home. That’s my wish now.

  54. jlp says:

    1. We moved last month, for the third time in 12 months.

    2. (See #1) We are still unpacking.

    3. A (small, possibly replaceable) part of my sewing machine, which I inherited from my late grandmother, disappeared during the move. (Er, I inherited the whole machine from her, not just the missing part. Thankfully, or I might be really be torn up. Though on the other hand, if she had just given me the one part, would I have actually kept it? Perhaps not.)

    4. A surprising number of items in the new place are not functional or only semi-functional. As one example, don’t try to use the microwave and the toaster at the same time, or you will have to run down to the basement after you trip the circuit breaker to flip it back.

    5. There are multiple items on my “to do” that seem like they should have already been done – by someone who is not me or a member of my family – before we moved in (e.g., hang new blinds, sweep broken glass out of the garage, touch up paint in various rooms).

    6. Finances are such that I am looking for full time employment.

    7. Looking for work requires me to market myself, which is tricky given I have a full blown case of Imposter Syndrome AND have been out of the workforce for 6 years.

    8. My best job prospect right now is eerily reminiscent of the one job I held in the past which I absolutely despised, right down to the fatherly, mustachioed supervisor.

    9. My younger son continues to have a mysterious, chronic, severe illness, and his doctors can’t figure out exactly what’s going on.

    10. (See #9) My younger son can not eat food that is not prepared at home, so we find it next to impossible to travel with him. Related: my closest friends all live in far away states.

    11. Oh, I forgot! My getting a job necessitates our buying a car. Which is swell, because I had a bunch of time to kill and money to spend.

    12. Despite the need to find work, buy a car, fix the house, finish unpacking, and watch our two kids (both under six), it turns out there are still day-to-day living chores (folding clothes, doing dishes) that need doing.

    13. Oh, and for the baker’s dozen: my husband’s (sometimes mild, sometimes dangerously severe) depression continues into its third year. I have no one I can talk to about this.

    Wow. I feel a bit better about feeling so overwhelmed, now that I see it all written out.

    • jlp says:

      It’s gauche, isn’t it, to follow up on one’s own comment on someone else’s blog? Yet here I am….

      I just wanted to give a brief update on #’s 6 & 7: I just accepted a solid, potentially interesting, possibly wonderful job, with respectable pay, and with apparently intelligent, friendly people. Given the state of everything else, I feel like I have won the jackpot.

      (Sorry, not in the spirit of original post, I realize!)

  55. RK says:

    That creepy children’s prayer is good for very little, but it does serve as a mnemonic: “now I lay me down to sleep.”

  56. Tracey says:

    I’m so glad I can do this. I think people are getting sick of hearing me whine :o)

    1.. My husband left me after 24 years of marriage because he fell in love with another boy scout leader. My teenager, who was present at the boy scout overnights where this was happening, is refusing to see his dad. My husband has decided the anger is all because of me, and is hauling my caboose through the court system any which way he can think of in a most unpleasant manner.
    2. Three weeks after he left I broke my big toe and two bones in my foot. I was in a boot for six weeks. Now that I’m out of the boot my foot still aches, although the orthopedic guy swears it’s fully healed and should not hurt.
    3. I had to get the lawnmower fixed and learn to mow the lawn, which I haven’t had to do since I was 16.
    4. I am having a houseful of company tomorrow for my teenager’s birthday. and I have absolutely no motivation to clean the house.

    Wow…I really feel better after typing this out :o) Thanks!

    • Jessica says:

      I remember mowing the lawn for the first time. And actually it felt surprisingly good. First husband always did a crap job of it. Turns out I was pretty good at it. But the dragging through court thing – SUCKAGE!

  57. anonymous says:

    The ten-year relationship I was in has come to a definitive end and I am still not able to conceive of the fact that I am in my mid-forties and alone. Before that relationship I was divorced after an eleven-year marriage, so it seems I pretty much suck at this. All of my friends are married or in relationships and busy with their kids and families. I feel like a single, lonely loser.

    My job is extremely stressful and not rewarding. It’s a soul-crushing experience every day. I commute almost an hour and a half each way and lately it’s been hot and sweaty. I hate summer.

    In the last few months I have been stress-binge-eating and have gained 10-15 pounds. All of my clothes are too tight. This depresses me greatly and causes me to eat more. And it’s summer now and I can’t find anything to wear that doesn’t make me feel self-conscious.

    I am exhausted all the time because I don’t sleep well. And because I am finding life to be especially tiring lately.

    I am not looking forward to anything. I just want everything to suck less.

  58. (withheld just this once because embarrassment) says:

    (1) it is FINALS WEEK. oh, the studying. there is too much of it and it is not even smart stuff, it is STUPID.

    (2) a wonderful person wants to see me tonight and i am being squelchy about it because i have terrible gas. and it hurts. and how does one cuddle, long-term? how does one move in with anyone, ever? and what if her feelings get hurt tonight? and i just want to hug. i can’t…i can’t even with the capital letters, on that one.

  59. lucia says:

    I am 33 and have the WORST, thinnest limpest hair, its undermined so much potential in my life, i also suspect thyroid issues, it falls out constantly, so devastating, but have never dealt with it. Also my 3 children have no school now until sept. 4th. and seeing that we cannot afford camps or many activities, i will be solo without any alone time for the next 3 months trapped in suburbia with them. Also in the middle of a messy endless bathroom remodel. There are my complaints, that felt good.

  60. Jessica says:

    I was blown away by what people struggle with – some were amusing but so many broke my heart. What I saw here was pure courage. Children in crisis – loneliness and depression. Dreams sailing into the rocks. Health falling apart. Jobs that suck the soul right out of the worthy person. Exhaustion. And yet, you all typed it and thought it out in full sentences and joined forces so that no one was completely alone at this moment. I have a mother who can’t speak and I miss her voice every day. I have a dream of writing and publishing novels and no energy. I have a sibling who worries me. I feel fat and old and mediocre. I worry about money. I worry about my children. And I think I’ll make it. Especially when I can come here – thank you.

  61. Robin says:

    1. We are living in Japan for my husband’s research gig: 9 months down, one to go. It is lovely and amazing and invaluable, etc, etc, and I am lonely & exhausted and sick of speaking Japanese.
    2. Because of the nature of Japanese kitchens, and the nature of Japanese cooking, plus the fact that we are only here temporarily and have no amenities (like, for example, a grater), the Dinner Situation has been abysmal. I have to go grocery shopping every other day to stock a fridge the size of a mini-bar, and as much as I try there are never every any left-overs. I miss leftovers.
    3. Also, bagels.
    4. I have been searching diligently for a nice bra for my teeny-tiny post-offspring boobs, and it is downright depressing. It doesn’t help that everything on offer in Japan is somehow reminiscent of wedding cake. Frilly, padded, underwire, wedding cake.
    5. I have been waiting all my adult life for nice skin — I really thought it would come, eventually! Although I had the pregnant glow with my son (7 years ago), it didn’t last, and I’m starting to realize the acne is a permanent fixture. And now I have wrinkles, too.

    I have to go make dinner now (goddammit), but THANK YOU for permission to register these grievances without being an asshole.

  62. Sarah B says:

    1. No A/C for 3 weeks….we bought the house last year knowing the unit was on borrowed time. But who among us hasn’t hoped for borrowed time to be a bit longer than what’s given?
    2. We got an A/C estimate…several thousand dollars (boo!)…remembered we had a home warranty purchased at closing (yay!)…our HVAC guy won’t deal with them (boo!)…but they have someone ‘in network’ in the area (yay!)..but he can’t come out for a week (boo!)…but he finds an opening and makes it in 3 days(yay!)…then we wait for weeks for SOMETHING to actually BE DONE (BOOOOOOOOOO). It’s likely it will still cost us a small fortune because when I read all the fine print it seems home warranties are nothing but fluff held together by the loopiest of loopholes.
    3. [A two-fer] Hot water heater went out, found out it was because we NEED a water softener (my limp hair never raised the bar to that level), so that was $1000. And now my water is…better? I guess. At least, less likely to strangle all other household appliances.
    4. I am teaching my first online course this summer. Rules of the university require I first *take* an online course on how to *teach* online courses. The course is a complete disaster and requires so much more work than I want to give it. (9 readings on ‘maintaining presence in the online classroom!’) I was always the teacher’s pet, A+ student and I am now in the back of the classroom, throwing spitwads, and rolling my eyes. Worst student ever, basically. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Waste of time.
    5. I am also dealing with an Unpleasant Woman at work. Undermines my contributions, takes credit for my work, generally condescending and rude. I do not work *for* her, I work *with* her on a grant but because in other arenas she is usually the boss she brings that same energy to me, and it’s pretty miserable.
    6. I’ve gained weight. And everyone is probably really tired of hearing how “I was in such *good* shape two years ago, how did this happen?” Such a weird defensive reaction on my part.

    There’s more, much more, but I can’t be bothered to remember and write it down. All this typing has caused me to work up a sweat and (reference #1) I need to go fan myself. Probably wouldn’t have been so difficult a couple of years ago when I was really in shape.

  63. Hanna says:

    1. My nanny called off sick. For four weeks. Due to a break up. Three weeks in, after promising to return, she resigned. Everyone told me she would but I believed her. I now have 4 days to find a new full time nanny. School gets out Thursday.
    2. My daughter is getting an award tomorrow at 10 am. The teacher emailed me at 3 pm today to tell me about it for the first time. I work full time. An hour away. I do not have a flexible schedule. My work eval is on Friday.
    3. My joints are going. I tried to develop healthy workout routines and developed runners knee. Now when I walk I have mysterious groin pain, too. I am only in my mid thirties.
    4. Acne and crowsfeet on the same face.
    5. The air conditioning doesn’t work in my bedroom only and they can’t fix it. I am hot which makes me grumpy.
    6. Stupid first world problems get little sympathy. Bite me, I work 55 hours a week, commute two hours a day and have two young children. You would cry too if your child care, whatever it is, packed up with no notice and moved to sacramento.

  64. SarahB says:

    Another two week wait. If I’m not pregnant this month, it’s a call to the OB. If I’m not pregnant next month, it’s a call to the RE. So, in two months, I’ll either be pregnant (yay) or dealing with secondary infertility, and I wish I could just know which way we’re headed.

    And my life is otherwise pretty good and also I do have a child, so complaining about not getting pregnant makes me feel like a whiny drama queen, when it is a legitimate source of concern.

    I also recently joined the “I need to buy pants the next size up” club. Solidarity, ladies!

  65. Mandy says:

    Reading all of these have made me feel…sad, and also like I want to give you all a hug, and I am not even a hugger.

    1. I asked my husband to plan, shop and cook meals for just one week–to give me a break but also so he will know what a royal pain in the ass it is every week. We mostly ate out that week, of course. And then he said he wants to cook more but might need my help planning out the meals and OH MY GOD THE POINT IN THE FIRST PLACE IS THAT I HATE DOING THAT!! Along with remembering and scheduling all appointments, bills, house stuff, etc. Bless his heart, he will do something if I ask, with a lot of reminding, but I am tired of being in charge and having to remember everything! Wah!

    2. I am getting too fat for my clothes, but I don’t want to give in and buy new clothes. And I don’t want to put forth the effort to lose weight.

    3. My god, I am 45. What happened?

    4. I hate summer. I don’t like sweating.

    5. I miss my old incontinent dog.

    • Andrea says:

      I also HATE summer! I’m going to be miserable until it is cool enough to wear tights to mitigate the “chub rub” omg. Have you heard of It literally does all the meal planning/list making FOR YOU, it is awesome.

  66. Bon says:

    My 17 month old has yet another virus courtesy of daycare. I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in almost a week (because of course only mommy will do, she says “no daddy, no, no.”). I had to take 3 sick days and reschedule important meetings all last minute. We were supposed to wean her ASAP, but this dam virus delayed those plans since she refuses all food and is back to nursing like a newborn. We are staying with my mom and stepdad until our house remodel is finished. My stepdad, means well, but is the most freaking annoying person to walk the earth. I seriously have to sit on my hands sometimes for fear of just smacking him.
    Thank you for this; you have no idea how much it was needed.

  67. Andrea says:

    My roommate just bounced her fourth rent check in two years and we now BOTH have to pay rent in certified funds until the end of our lease, even though I always pay early online with good checks. Now I have to go to the G**D*** bank every G**D*** month, and take it to the G**D*** leasing office. Dear god, you’re 38 and make $20k more than me, PLEASE get it together!

  68. Grumpy in good company says:

    I *so* needed to stumble across this post tonight! While all the comments make my heart ache, they also make me feel solidarity with all who suffer – the petty, the significant, all of it. Tis life, eh? And so I add mine to the list:

    1) my job makes me crazy with the mismanagement and politics and Sisyphean efforts BUT I am the primary earner in our family and can’t for the life of me figure out what else I would do.
    2) I worry all the time about finding the money to fix the foundation of our house – not a problem now, but slowly drifting down hill and will be a problem.
    3) I desperately want to loll about all summer with my kids but instead will be working 50 hours a week, whacking my head against a wall
    4) gained 10 lbs in the last year during which I pretty much ate well. Aargh – the 40s!!!
    5) chin hair!!! (Again, aargh the 40s!)
    6) my sister lives in a gorgeous house overlooking the ocean and doesn’t have to work. I hate the envy I feel.
    7) California is in drought so my backyard has turned brown and isn’t the lovely little oasis I need it to be.
    8) my dog jumps all over anyone who enters our house and behaves like a banshee. No time to train her properly which makes me feel sad and lame.
    9) I lose my temper with my children even though they are children and I am the adult.
    10) I have excema between my toes
    11) I don’t think I’ll ever be able to send my kids to college or retire

    Wow, it really does feel better just to spew it all out there! Thank you for the invite and the space.

  69. Susan says:

    I have new glasses and they are bifocals! I can see to read books and small print now, but the text on the computer screen looks fuzzy (exactly opposite of what it was like pre-bifocals). I’m sad about it.

  70. Sarah Lynn says:

    My complaints, which center around my age and decrepitude (I’m about twice your age), pale in comparison with most of those here. I can help you, however, with the lay/lie. “Now I lay me” is indeed a memory help as long as you remember the “me.” It is no longer fashionable to teach of transitive and intransitive verbs, but “lay,” transitive verb” (action goes across the verb), requires a direct object. You can lay yourself down, but unless there is an object for the verb, you “lie” down. A chicken can lay an egg, placing the egg in its nest. You can lay your child in her bed, but she lies in it after being placed there. The “a” sound in “place” is reminiscent of the “a” in “lay.” So, one small complaint down, and I hope the rest disappear for you and all commenters.

  71. Mariah says:

    1. I have to write a dissertation this summer, and I have no idea what I am talking about.
    2. My adviser wants me to take an extra year to finish, which makes my husband furious. I have been trying to write this damn thing for almost 5 years already, while working (admittedly only part time) and being the primary caregiver and taking care of the majority of the household responsibilities. I’m tired.
    3. Husband says we have to “make sacrifices” so I can finish, but that doesn’t mean HE has to make those sacrifices (though I did when he was writing his dissertation).
    4. My 5-year-old is in summer school which is awesome, except I am so sick of making lunch for her every. single. day.
    5. We just bought a house in a state I have no desire to live in. But we have jobs. But I hate the state, and that I have no family here.
    6. I have to write a dissertation this summer, and we are moving. And my husband is teaching summer school. And I still have no idea what I am talking about in my dissertation.
    7. My husband and I have multiple advanced degrees, and work our tails off, and yet have no money.
    8. I am 43 years old and have essentially been in graduate school for 20 years. It’s ridiculous and embarrassing.
    9. My adviser wants to meet on Wednesday and I am scared.
    10. I need to exercise and eat better, but have no time or motivation.

    I needed that! I’ve been reading this blog for years, but don’t think I have ever commented. Seems a shame that my only comment is a litany of complaints, but I really did need that! And I really appreciated reading other comments, too. It’s nice to know we all have times when we feel less than thrilled with ourselves and our lives (not really “nice,” but reassuring. or something).

  72. Sarah says:

    I love this post! I love your blog, Alexa.

    1. I have chronic dandruff, and have tried everything, and it has gotten worse lately. So embarrassing.
    2. I’m trying to cut out sugar, because it makes me tired and grumpy and fat, but I love sugar. So much.
    3. I weighed myself today. Such a mistake, and it’s ruined my day.
    4. My twin boys (3yo) have started smacking, pinching, and running into me, to get my attention. They also both try to climb on my lap while I’m sitting at the table. I have a lot of bruises from their little hands and toes.
    5. I feel like a burly man: big arms, big tummy, and all muscular and chubby. I’m super strong (from lifting the boys) but I feel so unfeminine.
    6. I spend so much money as a stress reliever. In fact, I think I’m addicted to both sugar and online shopping.
    7. We can’t build a fence in our yard until someone from the city’s forestry department comes to look at our tree. Why, why? When are you coming? When summer is over??
    8. A lot of the workmanship in our new house seems really crappy, like it was done by monkeys.
    9. I have many things to do around the house, but when I’m home all I want to do is read or sleep.
    10. I love my extended family dearly, but everyone seems a little crazy lately. Maybe it’s the humidity.
    11. The song lyrics, “I wanna stand with you on a mountain/I wanna bathe with you in the sea/I wanna LAY with you forever/Until the sky falls down on me”
    have always really bothered me. I wanna LIE with you forever, amirite??

  73. BonnyBard says:

    My list of complaints is too long and would require a blog post all it’s own, which is in fact an option now that I think about it, so I won’t even begin to list them here. I would, however, urge you to employ the free time you do have (possibly Sunday?) to finding a solution posthaste for us all for complaints numbers 9 and 15. That would be most kind. Although, I must say, your list of complaints has made me feel less guilty about my own list of complaints, so thanks!

  74. Gina says:

    I know I am late in the game here, but my allergies are SO. BAD. I want to go lay/lie down and be left alone but I need to get things done and every once in a while my hubby says, “How you doing?” I say “Crappy” and he acts all surprised.

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