Ministry of Grievances.

by Alexa on June 5, 2014

I am having one of those days. Weeks, even. And it is rude to complain because I am so lucky etc. but guess what? I am declaring this post the Official Complaints Department and I have some complaints to register and you should all feel free to do the same. No need to preface your complaint with how you KNOW it could be WORSE, just go right ahead and get down to business.

And the first person who says “yes, well at least you HAVE a job/a house/arms/whatever will be summarily shot.

1. The bottle of wine I opened last night was obviously corked and undrinkable, and so now I have no wine.

2. I have gin, but no mixers, and before you suggest a martini let me just inform you that I lost the top of my cocktail shaker (still a glass baby bottle—convenient to have measurements right on the side) so that idea is out.

3. Today is not Friday, but Thursday.

4. I am wearing an insubordinate shirt that tries desperately to curl itself up and expose me anytime I walk anywhere.

5. I have reached the peeling portion of my sunburn (which, if you follow me on Twitter, you are no doubt sick to death of hearing me complain about already) and not only is it very itchy but it is very, very disgusting, and every time I move I worry about whether or not FLAKES OF MY OWN SKIN are visibly falling from me, or dancing around my person in a Pigpen-esque cloud.

6. Today is the ten year anniversary of my first date with Scott, and instead of celebrating he will be spending the evening in training for his new second job, and I will be alone with the children during their Crabby Hours.

7. This second job, while helpful in offsetting our very high summer childcare costs, means that Scott will soon be away working on Wednesday evenings and Saturday mornings while I watch the children. Because it is my busy season, I have been in the custom of going into the office on Saturday mornings myself, because I cannot stay late enough during the week to get everything done AND pick up Simone on time. Now I will probably have to go in on Saturday afternoons, which is 1000 times worse.

8. My hair is behaving unreliably and I have had just about enough of it.

9. In order to lose weight I have to eat less food but I LOVE food.

10. Simone’s last day of school is next Monday, because they had to add a day to make up for winter cancellations, and half the kids won’t even be there so they are treating both this Friday and Monday like the Last Day and it’s DUMB.

11. We are postponing our plans to buy a house for at least a few months and every time I think about it I want to cry or smash something or even better to cry while smashing things.

12. I want to finish the essay I am working on but I am only a few paragraphs in and just thinking about how much there is still to do makes me want to retire to my bedchamber.

13. All that fancy “retire to my bedchamber” business is in there because I was going to say “makes me want to lie down” but can’t for the life of me remember lay/lie with complete certainty, and never will be able to, GOD ENGLISH WHY ARE YOU SUCH A DICK ABOUT THIS.

14. Next week Simone will finish kindergarten and Twyla will turn two which means my children are all old.

15. I have no shoes for work that are both comfortable and attractive.

I am sure I could go on, but surprisingly that has cheered me up considerably, and I now feel prepared to murmur and shake my head sympathetically at YOUR complaints. Go on, don’t be shy.

{Ed. Note: If you don’t have any complaints I will thank you to keep that information to yourself.}

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Rhonda June 5, 2014 at 3:49 pm

My mother and her husband had plans to see blues artist Booker T this Saturday but her husband can no longer attend. She asked me to go so out of guilt I am going since neither Booker T or my mother is getting any younger etc. I live in Las Vegas and the concert is out side. It will be 107 degrees on Saturday and I hate blues music.

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Alexa June 6, 2014 at 10:14 am

One hundred and SEVEN? I…no. That is too hot. Maybe your misery will make you understand the blues in a way you never have before?

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Miriel June 5, 2014 at 4:01 pm

A. I am sorry about ALL of this. It sounds TERRIBLE.
B. BLESS YOU. My grievances are as follows:

1. Despite being nearly twenty weeks pregnant, I still have spells of terrible nausea almost daily, usually in the evenings when I would very much like to be doing things that nausea makes unpleasant or even impossible but sometimes also randomly during the day, for instance RIGHT NOW when I was supposed to be going to yoga. I also cough so hard that I puked this morning which was exactly as unpleasant as it sounds.
2. Due to a stupid lack of communication between the reproductive endocrinology department where we had our dating ultrasound and the OB department where we are now, my official due date according to the OB department is four full days behind my ACTUAL due date sccording to me and the REI people which doesn’t SOUND like that big of a deal but when you are still puking at 19w5d it is VERY DISHEARTENING to have someone insist that you are only 19w1d on account of that means you have to be pregnant for FOUR ENTIRE EXTRA DAYS.
3. I realize that’s not exactly how due dates work, and BONUS, someone will be sure to point it out to me. Even though I already know.
4. I have to go to a really stupid conference for work next week that involves driving back and forth an hour each way two days in a row, by myself on unfamiliar roads, pregnant, early in the morning and late at night. And I can’t carpool with anyone because I puke if I’m not driving.
5. Even after typing out this list, which has made me feel emotionally better, I still feel like I am about to puke. I hate nausea. It is terrible.

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Alexa June 6, 2014 at 10:18 am

Oh, MIRIEL. It probably doesn’t help, but I have been there, with the pregnancy sickness, and it is AWFUL and I am SORRY. The only thing I ever feel is helpful to tell people dealing with this is that as soon as the baby comes out, it will all vanish immediately–I don’t know if you are like me, but in my darkest times I used to think “I feel so awful! How can I possibly take care of a baby feeling like this!” which maybe sounds pretty dumb because you are probably more sensible than I am, but it helped when people PROMISED me I would feel instantly better when the baby was out. And I did (even though I puked up to and including the day of delivery both times)! Not that this makes it any better now, of course. As I said, it is AWFUL and I am SORRY.

(Also, the driving an hour each way–is it to HERE?)

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Miriel June 6, 2014 at 3:21 pm

hahahaha I LOVE that you brought up the “how can I possibly take care of a baby feeling like this?” because, while I have not had that EXACT thought, I definitely had this moment where I was like, GOSH, I was way more able to take care of a baby before I got pregnant! Which might actually be dumber.

I WISH it were to there! It’s to Winona, sadly, because that is the seat of our diocese (which I have always thought is such a weird expression, like “county seat” – “this town is the buttocks of our county”) and it’s going to be TRES LAME.

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heidi June 5, 2014 at 4:12 pm

I was stung by a stinging, flying thing on THE HEAD, more than once while at one son’s baseball game. Two days later and my lymph nodes are swollen and the stings are oozing. Me is pretty.

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heidi June 5, 2014 at 4:13 pm

Also, THANK YOU FOR THIS. Everyone is tired of hearing me whine. And, I hope things get better for you!

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Alexa June 6, 2014 at 10:19 am

Well, I for one will never get tired of hearing you whine.

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Liv June 5, 2014 at 4:19 pm

1. I am trying to book a weekend trip with a group of friends. Calendar frustrations aside, I reached out to 20+ rental houses and have only heard back from a handful of them. I want to give you money! Why won’t you email me back?!
2. Despite running a half marathon on Sunday, my weight is hovering at the high end of my usual range and this is making me all kinds of frustrated.
3. My ice water is too cold – too many ice cubes came out of the thing at once and I was too lazy to dump them out at the sink.
4. I think my preschooler is coming down with a cold.
5. I had to fast for a blood test this morning so I didn’t get breakfast (my favorite meal) so I’ve been unusually hungry and snacky all day which isn’t helping with #2.
6. I was trolling for leftover lunch meeting food/snacks but there are none to be found.
7. The roof of my mouth hurts from the crusty bread I ate earlier today.

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Alexa June 6, 2014 at 10:20 am

Dreadful, all of it. Unacceptable!

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cindy w June 5, 2014 at 4:21 pm

I caught pink eye from my toddler, and now I have to throw away my favorite mascara because bacteria/cross-contamination/grossness.

I have others, but that’s the main grievance of the moment. I really loved that mascara.

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Alexa June 6, 2014 at 10:23 am

Can you throw the mascara you have to throw away really hard against a wall? That’s what I’d do.

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Liz June 5, 2014 at 4:27 pm

::cheering::
I will be 34 in August and there isn’t a sniff of a potential husband in my life. Being partnered and having children have been the only things I have ever wanted for which there is no substitute. I am tired of keeping cheerful about this. I have decided that I can’t afford to be a single parent either, given the lack of family support locally. So there goes that dream. I don’t want pity, I want a husband and children. I have tried ALL the usual strategies, several times over. I feel that this will never happen for me and this sucks.

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Sharon June 5, 2014 at 4:29 pm

Liz, I was where you are at 33. I am now 43 and married with two children. I’m sorry you are feeling discouraged, as I now how much it sucks. :-(

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Alexa June 6, 2014 at 10:23 am

You are under absolutely NO obligation to keep cheerful about this. None. I am hoping it WILL happen for you, one way or another, but you certainly should not feel obligated to keep feeling hopeful and stiff-upper-lip-ish yourself.

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Jessica June 9, 2014 at 12:37 am

At 34 I was in a violent, miserable marriage with a man I was afraid to leave. At 36 I ran from our house with 2 bags over my shoulder. At 38 I was married again and pregnant. At 47 I have 2 daughters and my beloved second husband and a Siamese cat that pees on anything I care about. I want very much for you to have a husband and children – I want that for you. But please avoid the cat.

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Sharon June 5, 2014 at 4:28 pm

I can relate absolutely to #3 and #9.

I will also add the following:

1. I only have energy and motivation to accomplish projects at home while I am at work (and never while at home) and get my better ideas for work things while at home. Why is that?
2. The daytime high temperatures here are now approximately the same as the surface of the sun, making all outdoor activities with our two 2-year-old sons non-options until probably mid-to-late October. (Think mid-winter in Minnesota, but without the pretty snow to look at.)
3. I am tired of having to think about things like budgets and retirement savings and responsible spending. Adulthood isn’t all I thought it would be.

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Anna June 5, 2014 at 4:38 pm

Oh yes #1 is me exactly. I make grand, sweeping plans for later around 11am everyday then have to cancel when I crawl home from work at 7pm.

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ccr in MA June 5, 2014 at 7:45 pm

Must say AMEN to 1 and 3. At work, I think, “I could be doing this! Or that! Or that!” And then once home, it’s, “Eh, sit on the couch with a book or knitting, and the cat.” And boy, growing up is not what I thought it would be, either. It sucks so much more often than I expected!

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Kristi June 5, 2014 at 8:48 pm

Oh God yes on 2 and 3. I live (I am not FROM!!! I LIVE IN!!! another grievance) in the South and it is hot and I’m from New York (FROM!!!!) and I DO NOT LIKE THIS.

But yeah… adulthood? Not so much what I imagined.

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Alexa June 6, 2014 at 10:27 am

I am SO glad someone brought up #1, because I somehow forgot to add it to my own list of grievances? What is that phenomenon? I make these ambitious to-do lists at work, and then come home and basically sink to the floor as if all the air has been let out of me.

It is related to the (also complaint-worthy) phenomenon of resolving things at night before you fall asleep–I have a sudden burst of mental energy as I lie/lay/WHATEVER there, and think of all I will do the next day, and then…well. I think we all know how this ends.

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Sharon June 6, 2014 at 12:07 pm

YES! I also find that I often have a sudden burst of mental energy just as I am trying to fall asleep. These are (one of) the times I wish I had a trained monkey beside me to take notes at all times so my best thoughts don’t escape. . . .

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Allie June 6, 2014 at 2:12 pm

YES to all of this. Summer here in Arizona is the equivalent of an Alaskan winter. I’m already getting cabin fever.

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Jessica June 5, 2014 at 4:35 pm

My husband has a sunburn in the same phase with you and because I am very nice, I’ve been scratching his back but then it’s a snowfall of skin. Very gross!

My complaint for today is that I had more than one phone call to a customer about an order and my 2 year old kept barging in and making noise. I know she’s two and the person was mostly nice but when my work and my life cross over, it stresses me out. Working from home is fun!!

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Alexa June 6, 2014 at 10:28 am

Working from home is VERY stressful. I think you need a cookie.

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Jessica June 6, 2014 at 4:48 pm

Oh, I have cookies! Walker’s Shortbread Cookies! They do not help with my summer exercise regime though. But so tasty.

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Anna June 5, 2014 at 4:35 pm

Ohhh yes this is perfect timing.

1. I am getting married next year, which is a WONDROUS, JOYFUL time, but I mean. The money. The amount of money we are cheerfully starting to spend is actually shocking. It makes me faint just thinking about what we’ll spend on a hotel room for the wedding night, especially since we live WITHIN A TEN MINUTE WALK from said hotel.

2. I am also getting Lasik soon. If you sense the theme of heightened money panic, bingo! And for years my relationship with corrective eyewear has been shaky at best (dry eyes with contacts, glasses hurt). But now of course I am getting strangely nostalgic about being a glasses wearer? And also starting to panic about the possibility of accidental blindness.

3. Coworker problems. I hate to badmouth a fellow Woman in the Workplace but holy shit she’s a bitch.

4. Tonight my best friend and I invited our other friend for a quiet dinner, and she is inviting her extremely bland, mousey friend to come along. Can we not have one single solitary event that doesn’t require additional people? All I want is a platonic ménage à trois, if you will.

5. I have a headache. Probably from my stupid contacts that I hate.

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Alexa June 6, 2014 at 10:31 am

Contacts are the WORST. As is heightened money panic. And NOBODY likes bitches. You poor thing.

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Kristen June 5, 2014 at 4:45 pm

It is not Friday yet. How? How can this be possible?
My forehead sunburn is gross, itchy and peely. It is really unattractive.
When will this week be over?!?!

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Alexa June 6, 2014 at 10:32 am

NOW it is Friday! Thank heavens.

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Ashley June 5, 2014 at 4:45 pm

I’ve spent the past seven years slaving over a young-adult novel that may never see the light of day (light of print?), and having just received yet another query rejection, am feeling rather like quitting the whole ordeal and curling up with a large bowl of ice cream instead. Deep down I know that in about an hour I’ll have a change of heart and love my book again enough to send out another batch of queries, knowing full well that I am setting myself up for another round of possible heartbreak, thus repeating a never-ending cycle of a Test Your Ego game that is so not fun.

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Kristi June 5, 2014 at 8:50 pm

I have an MFA in Creative Writing and you are preaching to the choir. Also, QueryTracker is an amazing thing, if it’s not a thing you use already.

You learn an awful lot about query letters, agents, probability and It’s Really Not Your Fault in an MFA program, though. So that’s a thing.

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Alexa June 6, 2014 at 10:35 am

I ate more ice cream while I was waiting to hear from my now-agent than any human has ever consumed in a similar time period. Ice cream is an excellent coping method. I recommend living down the block from an ice creamery, like I do, so that you can combine your pacing and your ice cream consumption.

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Lawyerish June 5, 2014 at 4:49 pm

1. I do not ever have time to blog (or when I do scrounge together the time, I can’t think of a SINGLE THING to write about), and I miss it. I compose posts in my head all the time, and then they disappear forever the moment I open the Compose screen.
2. I am perpetually bloated and have managed to find myself multiple pounds above the weight I had been for about ten years straight, aside from pregnancy and nursing-time, which I maintained with zero effort on my part. I am hoping to pin it on the pill I’m on and thus lose it effortlessly when I get an IUD placed (tomorrow!), but I fear it is just Middle Age Creeping Weight Gain and I’ll actually have to, like, watch what I eat and Make Healthy Choices all the time going forward, but I hate doing those things.
3. I am perpetually envious of friends who, in short, have more money and better real estate than we do. Also friends who do not have to work at paying jobs. I don’t want a LOT more than I have now; I just want, like, one more bedroom, more flexibility time-wise, and less financial pressure.
4. We have reached the season when my hair looks stupid no matter what I do with it.
5. I really enjoy getting out and doing summery things with Felicity, but I get VERY tired of the constant sunscreen application (for both of us). Someone needs to invent a sunscreen pill.

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Gretchen June 5, 2014 at 6:41 pm

I am with you on #3. In so many ways!

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Alexa June 6, 2014 at 10:36 am

I cosign ALL of these.

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Maggie June 6, 2014 at 6:24 pm

I would be willing to pay good money for someone to develop #5, like in the high four figures. I am tired of being pale as a sheet of paper and slathering myself and the kids with sunscreen all the live long day. I am OVER IT.

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Amy June 5, 2014 at 4:52 pm

Yuck. But thanks for the opportunity, and I’m glad it made you feel better for now at least.

Beta hell: waiting on a beta hCG number to try and determine if the early miscarriage I thought was over and done with is in fact still fucking about confusedly…and perhaps doing so in a tube. Pretty sure you can’t have wine for a while if you have to get a methotrexate shot? That seems horribly unfair.

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Alexa June 6, 2014 at 10:38 am

I do not miss Beta Hell one single bit, and I am so sorry, and you have my sincere wishes that whatever is happening is NOT happening in a tube. I have always thought the no drinking post methotrexate shot is just adding insult to injury.

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Katherine June 5, 2014 at 4:59 pm

Oh, good lord, yes, I need this!
So, my list of grievances:
1. My ankle is swollen and i cannot move it and it hurts so badly I cannot sleep, only… I never injured it.
2. I hobble around and feel like an ass telling people i have no idea why i’m limping and i just woke up this way a few days ago.
3. This is the state my mind is in: i keep thinking I have some funky terminal disease that manifests itself in sudden ankle swelling. Or i have early-onset dementia and cannot remember how the f*** i messed up my ankle.
4. I want another baby. But i am kind of old. And so is hubby. And we’re infertile. And we’re both messed up in the head (see item 3, for example) and pretty overwhelmed as is, and, with our medical histories it’s not very unlikely that the baby would have issues, and, rationally, it would be a really bad idea to even try. But oh, how i wish i could have another (healthy) baby.
5. I turn 40 in a few months. Other than my kids, i have thus far accomplished nothing that i am proud of.
6. My husband is sucking the dear life out of me. I am generally happier when he is away on business trips.
7. My husband and I have been together for 20 years. (This fact belongs on this list because of item 6).
8. My thyroid has wrecked havoc on my hair. I don’t think it’s ever going to grow back.
9. I have some pretty clothes but all i want to wear are my comfy fave jeans, but it’s getting too hot for them, AND they are almost torn between the thighs (i have thunder thighs — and no, I refuse to put this down as another item on my list!) which means they can only survive a couple more washes, and then, i have no idea what i am going to wear.
10. My list is not making me feel better.
11. I think my list could go on forever…

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Alexa June 6, 2014 at 10:47 am

I have gone on record with my scorn for the thyroid. It is just nothing but trouble.

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a June 5, 2014 at 5:07 pm

Our workplace is moving to a new location in approximately 18 days, and our management has made NO CONCRETE PLANS for how anything is to be moved. I work in a crime lab, and moving things like, say, evidence…or computers really require some sort of planning. Also, we still have no desks and half of our lab area is completely unusable. I suppose, if we can’t use our lab area, I shouldn’t worry about the lack of planning of the move. It will take us months to get to a place where we can potentially use the actual lab.

Also, my husband is a bit of a pain because he requires applause, confetti, and a parade for every task he completes around the house. Whereas I (according to him) am expected to do all of those things, so why would I look for praise?

Irritability level: 1000 on a scale of 1-10 :) Thanks for the venting arena.

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Alexa June 6, 2014 at 10:50 am

YESSSSSSS re: husbands requiring marching bands, fireworks, etc. for basic household tasks.

Your first item is terrifying. NO CONCRETE PLANS? (But also exciting, because YOU WORK IN A CRIME LAB?)

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Issa June 5, 2014 at 5:22 pm

Retire to your bedchamber. Oh how I love that line. It sounds so…something. Love it.

I have nine days until I go on vacation. My boss seems to want to give me every single project in the world between now and then. Also? Nine days is forever.

My twelve year old is having very big sucky issues and I don’t feel like I can talk about it online at all when all I want to do is talk about it and ask for help or support or something.

Snakes have taken over my yard because I can’t seem to mow it enough. No matter how many times my nine year old tells me they are harmless, I still have a heart attack every single flipping day.

I do not have air conditioning. While I live in Denver and we don’t need it all summer, it is horrible trying to sleep when my house doesn’t cool off on the nights we do need it.

I HATE my job but have no energy to look for anything else, so I’m still here, hating my job, six years later. :(

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Sharon June 6, 2014 at 12:13 pm

Issa, you have my sympathy for all your stated woes, but I can especially relate to your last grievance. There is nothing like hating your job when it takes up so many of your waking hours. I hope either things improve or you find the energy to look for a better situation soon.

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Jessica June 9, 2014 at 12:43 am

I’m impressed by the snakes. That’s a unique and worthy complaint. And for your 12-year old child I hope this big sucky issue slithers away with the snakes. Because 12 year olds should never have real problems – the imaginary problems are hideous enough.

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GingerB June 5, 2014 at 5:28 pm

I tried to take my lawnmower to the fix a small engine place, got my kids safely elsewhere so I could fold down the back seats, lifted the bastard thing into my car, drove down the alley, and had the handle break my back window (heated, tinted, expensive window) so then spent the rest of the day trying to get it fixed so I could retrieve my children. Husbands are supposed to do this stuff, and mine killed himself. $500 and still a damn widow. My suckage knows no bounds,

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Amanda June 5, 2014 at 8:27 pm

Ginger,
I quit my job to start grad school and my husband works nights so we never see each other and I never see my 4 year old either except yay, right at bedtime and my mother and sister have pretty much gone straight from eccentric to BatShitCrazy and my best friend killed herself in January and I can’t even bitch about all of this to her anymore which pisses me off and it all really sucks. I just wanted to let you know… Yeah. It is boundless suckage. Here’s a virtual hug.

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amelie June 5, 2014 at 5:45 pm

1) Like Katherine I have an injury (knee) – and I have NO idea how it happened. I look like an idiot limping around and I am going on a vacation for which I have saved money for 5 years and which will require much walking.
2) My mother is going on this trip with me and she fell and broke her foot exactly 6 weeks to the day from the day we get on the plane. Two of use will be limping.
3)Like Issa I have unbloggable “child” of 17 issues which make me either want to cry or commit homicide on a daily basis. She is going on the trip (too young to stay alone) while I have asked the pleasant older sister to stay home to avoid conflict. Therefore I will limp and be miserable on a vacation which is costing 5 years of saving.
4) It is not Friday.
Amazing how many of us share the same problems – perspective and all makes me feel a little better.

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Swistle June 5, 2014 at 5:51 pm

I am right there with you on number 9. RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. I keep doing the math on it, and it keeps coming out impossible.

Also, apparently EXERCISE is involved.

I can’t always figure out when to use “both” and when to use “each,” and Paul DOES know, and he CORRECTS me, using JOKES.

We have ANTS.

There was a PREGNANT SPIDER in my bathroom this morning, and I could not figure out what was the ethical thing to do about it.

People still expect me to make PHONE CALLS, and it KEEPS HAPPENING.

I can’t find sneakers I like.

But! I am keeping hydrated, because I am mixing sparkling water with my gin. This is good for my HEALTH.

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Swistle June 5, 2014 at 5:56 pm

ALSO: I cannot figure out what to do about SUMMER CLOTHES. I used to wear pedal pushers (longer than knee-length, shorter than the capris that look like highwaters on my short legs), and now no one is making them, which probably means they’re the ultimate in dork. And I hate sandals because I hate getting ANY dust on my feet, but everything else is hot and looks wrong.

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Kristi June 5, 2014 at 8:55 pm

I don’t know if they’re exactly the length you’re looking for, but I wear similar pants-ish/shorts-ish/capris-ish whatevers and I found them at Target.

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ks grandma June 5, 2014 at 5:58 pm

A foul wind blew through this morning and left lots of limbs laying around. Some apple, some hedge, some hackberry, some maple, some oak, some walnut, and dang it all – my favorite redbud is mostly in a pile on the ground. I am old (!), and have breathing issues – like I prefer/need actual air, not just water w/a small helping of air on the side – so I suspect it will take me a very long time to get it all cleaned up. I will also need to beg someone to come with a chainsaw, because several of those limbs are simply too big to move without first cutting them up.

Hate foul winds. And there is no more in the forecast until, oh, let’s see – tonight through sunday? Give me a break! No! Not that kind!

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Dawn K. June 5, 2014 at 9:24 pm

I wonder by your name if you don’t also reside in the Sunflower State like I do. If you’re in Topeka or Lawrence (or somewhere relatively close) let me know and I can help!

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ks grandma June 6, 2014 at 5:22 am

Dawn – Finding your note is making my morning oh, so much better. Thank you for your kind offer. I am west of you by too many miles (Abilene area). There is a very kind young man living close to me who has offered his services – to help me on his day off – it does give me hope for the future – you know, in general, but definitely hope in my own future. Thanks again!

Melanie – I know! It’s like the weather patterns are too out of control. On the weather tonight they showed the same storm system wrecking havoc across several states. Reigns in our ability for much sympathy when so many are struggling with the same issues! Doesn’t seem to reign in ones ability to file our grievances about it though. Hm. . .

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Melanie June 5, 2014 at 10:49 pm

I live in MO and those winds were crazy today!

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A'Dell June 5, 2014 at 6:07 pm

Claire published a unfinished draft today and she had no idea what she did or how but she did it and now it’s in alllllll the RSS feeds. I am SO SO SO tired of not being able to have ANYTHING that is mine that people will just STOP TOUCHING.

Preston is so cranky, all the time today, and nothing makes it better.

It is already hot.

Charlotte and Claire WILL NOT STOP FIGHTING.

Every night, my family wants to eat dinner. Every night. This feels excessive. I hate making dinner.

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Sharon June 6, 2014 at 12:17 pm

A’Dell, I literally LOL’d at your last grievance. My sons also expect to eat dinner every night. The nerve! I never prepared this meal daily before they had to eat it every night. :-)

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elana June 5, 2014 at 6:22 pm

13. this one killed me. i laughed out loud and my family thinks i’m a lunatic.

i have so much to complain about that i can’t even put it all into words right now. thank you for this post.

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Amy June 5, 2014 at 6:57 pm

A little over a year ago, we packed up our 4 kids and moved from NJ to Miami for my husband, who hated his job and found a new one. We left our lovely home, my job, friends, and family, to this hellishly hot place where we know no one and the moms use Louis Vuitton totes as diaper bags.

My husband just confided to me that he hates his new job. To give me credit, I walked away instead of freaking out. Even if he truly hates it, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT. I gave up everything so he could be happy, and the fact that he’s not happy really makes me furious.

Also, my kids last day of school was today. I already want to cry. They’ve eaten half the food I bought at the supermarket this morning and taken every single toy out in a frenzy of “yay it’s summer”. 25 days until camp.

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KathyM. June 6, 2014 at 3:48 pm

You deserve some sort of helpful response to your gripe–the one where you give up all wonderful things so your husband can be happy working, and now he HATES the new job–but I don’t seem to have one. I have been crabby and critical of my husband lately–can he do nothing right?–but really, propping the door open and forgetting to close it and the inside cat becomes the outdoor cat?! When he came in with said kitty, I told him that he was a very lucky man to have found her. And this little quibble compared to what you are experiencing? Almost nothing (can’t call it nothing because I love my kitty). I would be so furious in your shoes I would…would…I’m not sure what I’d do, but at least a trip home until school resumes would be at the forefront of my mind. I am so sorry and wish you the very best outcome–finding your soul sister somewhere down there to vent to, for example.

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Jessica June 9, 2014 at 12:49 am

Ok, how do we say anything that could make this better? Oh God, I swear I can feel your frustration right through the internets, days after you posted this. Husbands. They are really good to have in the trenches of life but sometimes they need to put on their big boy boots and do some marching. Yep, that metaphor didn’t really work. Still no way to comment except that I just want to say, “Hells Bells – that’s a worthy complaint!”

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Melinda R June 24, 2014 at 7:08 pm

My husband has been commuting a hundred miles a day to work in a neighboring state for years. Last year he started a doctoral program in said neighboring state, for which we are paying exorbitant out-of-state tuition, and which causes him to leave the house at 6 AM and return at midnight several days a week. We just bought a house where he works and goes to school, with a budget stretching (hopefully not breaking) mortgage payment. I start my new job next week, a transfer to a vastly inferior facility local to our new home…And my dear husband was just put on “administrative leave” after running his fool mouth on Facebook with commentary about an unfortunate occurrence at his place of employment. He may or may not still have a job when all is said and done, and we haven’t even moved into the new house yet! I think I am going to go have a nervous breakdown now. If anyone needs me, I’ll be curled up in her with the covers over my head.

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Tamara June 5, 2014 at 7:02 pm

1. Manny is no longer a sleepy tiny baby who sleeps while the tv is on at night so I can’t watch my stories any more (our only good dvr tv is in our bedroom).
2. I changed the batteries in my book light so I could read instead of watch my stories, but now it’s too bright and princess buttercup wakes up for that too.
3. Why don’t I read in another room? I hate all of our other furniture.
4. I’m reading a book about getting your child to eat and basically I’m learning that I have to cook food and eat it with him and I don’t want to eat dinner at 5:30 like a senior citizen and it’s making me really grumpy.

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Carrie June 5, 2014 at 7:36 pm

I love this post so much. I have many many grievances but will try to list just a few:

1) My house is a mess and I don’t have a maid so I have to clean it and I have no interest in cleaning it, nor do I have the energy.
2) I have to cook dinner every night for my family and I hate cooking.
3) I weigh more than I would like to and yet I don’t seem to be willing or able to do anything about it.
4) Everyone on FB seems to be living a better life than me.
5) I have incredible guilt about all of the above.

I think that will do for now.

I love love love your writing. I laughed out loud about your skin flakes floating around your person like pig pen. Thank you for the laugh. I needed it.

Carrie

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ccr in MA June 5, 2014 at 7:38 pm

I don’t know for certain if this is correct, but I choose to believe it is: the way to remember lay/lie is that only people can lie. Therefore, you would lie down, but if you have a book in your hand and put it down, you lay the book on the table. Like that. Maybe it helps with #13?

As for me, mine are all “but it’s part of a good thing” complaints:
1. I’m thrilled to have started a good new job, but overwhelmed and exhausted by it. I hate change! Even for the better.
2. They ordered lunch for us today, and I chose a sandwich I thought was on delicious crusty bread, but it turned out to be on a semi-soggy croissant. Who wants a sandwich on a croissant?
3. I finally got myself a little tablet to carry around, and the case I ordered for it doesn’t fit. Wrong model. I swear I checked! But why would they make them a quarter inch different from each other?

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MJ June 7, 2014 at 8:20 pm

My husband always says, “Lay takes a direct object.” (There’s a dirty joke buried in there.) Bob Dylan evidently didn’t know that, or ignored it because “lay” sounds much better in the song.

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Anne June 5, 2014 at 8:13 pm

My teenager got out of the psych hospital yesterday and I didn’t even get a honeymoon period of decent behavior. We are back where we were before. I have a full inventory of the names he’s called me today, if anyone has someone they want to tell off.

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Jessica June 9, 2014 at 1:17 am

Here’s another one that breaks my heart. I’m sorry – I wish your grievance was more about tiny ants making a food trail from the door to the garage across the kitchen floor to the garbage can. That’s the type of grievance that seems so icky (it is in fact one of mine) but then when confronted with a teenage child in such crisis and a parent desperately trying to keep their game face on… I just wish it was otherwise for you.

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Lemonadefish June 5, 2014 at 8:25 pm

The baby won’t let me eat chocolate, and so I had been consoling myself with cake, but now it’s too hot to bake anything, and husband won’t fetch me any, and baby is too little to go to the store, and all I’ve got are some Target-brand fruit snacks that aren’t any good, and a bag and a half of Cadbury mini eggs that are just sitting there taunting me.

Also there was a swarm of termites in my bedroom on Monday. Presumably thy are related to those whom we had “eradicated” last summer. It was only the extreme fatigue of baby care that kept me from burning the whole house down.

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Kristi June 5, 2014 at 8:45 pm

First I like food also and I bought one of those Fitness Things (Fitbit Flex for the curious) and it has an app and smiley faces and it tells me to walk 10,000 steps, which seems like a lot but it’s really not, and apparently people lose weight that way, and it’s encouraging. So there’s that, if you like food and want to passively lose weight.

Complaints: People taking advantage of me at work. Being unable to say no. My house is not miraculously cleaning itself and my husband is not a mindreader like he should be. I didn’t win the lottery that I didn’t play. I wonder if I am getting all of this education for absolutely no reason whatsoever and am thusly putting myself and my husband in debt for a useless pipe dream. And most importantly: I’m afraid I’ll never be mentally health-ish ready enough to have a baby and I have no one I can talk to about it.

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Curly Girl June 5, 2014 at 9:32 pm

This is the best idea, thank you!

1)Baby was croupy last night. I’m guessing tonight will be the same.
2)I’ve been felled by a horrid head cold or sinus infection.
3)Summer activities require either massive planning for 3 kids or money. No one plans long term things except me, so I’m over-stressed/feel as if everyone’s happiness and plans depend on me.
4)While it’s not scorching hot yet, the humidity has been so oppressive. Trapped indoors basically.
5)my depression is a bit better, but still causing chaos. I’m convinced everyone dislikes me.
6)Our 4 year-old has been possessed by a teenager’s bad attitude and defiance levels. I routinely want to bang my head against the wall.

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KathyM. June 6, 2014 at 3:53 pm

Four-year-olds have been called “the little lawyers,” who love to point out your mistakes, but hate anyone to tell them anything, because they already KNOW.

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Elizabeth June 5, 2014 at 10:03 pm

I’m so sorry you are having such a shit time, so far 2014 has been suck a bag of dicks

1) the project I had been working on for 80 hours a week for the past eighteen months has completely shit the bed and I can no longer keep it together through sheer force of personality. Am epic failure at life.
2) said project of course left no room for exercise or wise personal decisions leading to weight gain. After seeing my parents, my aforementioned fat ass led my father to email my husband on the sly, begging him to meet and discuss what is to be done about my weight. Feeling completely humiliated and betrayed by father I trusted implicitly. Because REALLY?!
3) A test that I had been studying for, for months I spectacularly failed, after which I learned they updated the knowledge guide and therefore the entire test at new year. Because I don’t follow PMP blogs, and have yet to fork out the thousand bucks for member fees, I had literally no idea. The new book arrived today and it is so drastically different I just want to lay down and die. I am an over achieving Type A ; and failed miserably due to a completely preventable circumstance. Unggggggg.
4) A douche pontoon male co-worker patted me on the head and said ‘good girl’. Patted me on the head, like a dog.
5) the pollen count in my little Oregon town is so high the inside of my mouth has been itching for the better part of a month. I often arrive to work with my mascara somewhere around my neck and appear to be crying fourteen hours a day due to watery eyes.
6)my house and yard have reached hovel levels and my husband constantly wants to go out on weekends, leaving no time for cleaning, maintaining our quiet time for this introvert.
7) I’m officially suck of the sound out my own voice, both internal and external. Sigh.

Thanks for the safe venting place, I hope all of you experiencing stress and pain find some peace soon.

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Jessica June 9, 2014 at 12:53 am

But you got to say “douche pontoon” and that made my day. Thank you.

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Sonja June 5, 2014 at 10:10 pm

My son gave me his cold in the 40th week of pregnancy. Not only does an epidural do nothing for tonsil pain, but coughing the first day postpartum? Everytime I do it feels like someone just kicked me in the lady business.

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Melanie June 5, 2014 at 10:41 pm

I would like to not stop having horrific periods stat. Being anemic and fearing every small errand will end in total humiliation less you bleed thru everything in under an hour (usually I can get a whole hour but sometimes..no)… and then what do you do with your small children who are too old to be in the bathroom with you (NO CHILD should have to see that holy mess), yet too young to comfortably be left outside said bathroom? The 6 and 9 year old are really sick of standing just outside the door so I can see their feet (not to mention the 9 year old is male and thinks he is breaking every law on the books by venturing into a ladies room)… *sigh*

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Rhonda June 6, 2014 at 1:35 pm

So sorry, been there. A particular shopping trip to Kohl’s will for ever give me nightmares. Turned out to be fibroids for me.

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Kelly Potter June 5, 2014 at 11:05 pm

First, I am terribly sorry about your troubles. What a bullshit! Second, I am a lurker for years, but complaining is my thing and I have a biggie this week:

1. I have been trying to get pregnant for 2 years. I want desperately to be a mother. Nothing is working. I found out on Tuesday that my best friend from high school is pregnant ACCIDENTALLY! SHE NEVER EVEN WANTED KIDS!!! I am aware that life is not fair, but I am reeling over how monstrously, monumentally unfair this is.
2. I am doing all the things I used to to get myself in shape but nothing is working. I am beginning t suspect it’s to do with my age and metabolism and all that makes me want to do is eat chocolate. Screw it!
3. The skin on my heels is so cracked and peeling and I just don’t want to deal with it.
4. I live in arizona. It has been more than 100 degrees every day for over a week and it technically isn’t even summer yet.
5. I think that’s it. I do feel a bit better. Thanks for encouraging the complaining. Sometimes it’s the only thing that takes the edge off. Except for wine, of course.

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Melissa June 5, 2014 at 11:35 pm

Oh! Oh! So glad to know I’m not the only one having a horrendously shitty week.

Without delay:
1. I painted my toenails four times today, on my vacation day. But it is so humid that they take forever to dry, and I’m not good at sitting still. So. F O U R T I M E S.

2. I work in higher education and am able to provide FREE COLLEGE TUITION to any of my four offspring. The two eldest, who I did not give birth to, have both elected (one 3 years ago, one this week) to NOT use the free tuition, because, as their mother says, ‘college isn’t for everyone’.

3. My sister is engaged (to the same man) for the third time (they have never married). The FIRST time, I was asked to be a bridesmaid. The SECOND time, I was asked to be maid of honor. THIS time I’ve been demoted to just helping her find the dress, plan the shower and bachelorette party & design the invitations. Her ‘friends’ are going to be in the wedding.

4. My proposal to present at a conference in October has been accepted – Portland, here I come…maybe. My husband’s hours prevent him for caring for the children while I’m gone, and I can’t find a single, solitary person to help me figure out how to get the children to school/daycare and make them dinner, put them to bed. Regardless of how much help I give to everyone else!

5. My six year old and my two year old are also old (but I’m not able to use italics, so the emphasis is implied).

Thank you. I do feel a bit better.

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Jenn H. June 6, 2014 at 6:49 am

What? You have gin? Thank your lucky stars, woman! ;) (I love gin and can sip it straight, though I understand that that sort of thing’s not everyone’s cup of…gin.)

It’s all the little things that wear away, isn’t it? I’m glad blogging about them has made you feel better. My grievances include the timing of the grass pollen season that has caused me to have a sinus infection brewing all week (or at least just feeling nasty without being all-out ill), plus all of us (hubster, Young Boy, and I) all not getting enough sleep Wednesday, and what with Thursday being my birthday, the best we could do yesterday was open my gifts from them, get take-out, and go to bed early. The birthday cake will be eaten this weekend, I hope.

And today marks 70 years since D-Day, and I feel like an idiot for complaining at all about my life, because at least I’ve not had to live through a war in my own country.

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Jenny Grace June 6, 2014 at 10:40 am

I just posted a list of grievances on my own blog. Is this week not the WORST?
Short version:
I totaled my car and I keep waking up in the morning thinking it’s the weekend and it’s still the week and not the weekend at all.

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Elise June 6, 2014 at 10:51 am

After a year and half of intense house hunting, more than six offers that were rejected and increasing our budget way beyond our comfort zone, we realized that we aren’t able to buy a decent sized house in a coummutable town with a good school district. Instead, we will buy upsize to a decent sized house in our current town and spend the next 8 years worrying about what is going to happen when the girls enter middle school.

My parents should have pushed me to go into business/finance, what were they thinking? All the people buying the decent sized houses in commutable towns with good school districts are in business/finance. Also, I hate business/finance.

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Sarah June 6, 2014 at 11:29 am

I take the River Road to work, from St. Paul to the U’s East Bank. Every day this week, I’ve gotten stuck behind some nitwit driving the actual speed limit of 25, which everyone knows is comically too low and that you should actually drive 34, because my god do you have nowhere to be in your life?? I DO.

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LaFawne June 6, 2014 at 11:29 am

My main complaint for today? that you don’t write more often for your blog! Absolutely LOVE this blog post- and all of your wonderfully descriptive commenters! You folks are really talented, even if you are all a bit unhinged at the moment. :)
I hope all of the complaints get resolved happily, but I hope you all keep on writing and commenting

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jen June 6, 2014 at 11:31 am

I have several but I’ll leave just the very worst one. The neighbor and I somehow managed to back into one another, which totaled my paid-off car (her’s is an SUV, mine was a tiny car, hers won). My car was 9 years old so of course we only had collision coverage on it. It was determined to be 50/50 fault so I only received half of my car’s value. And we just bought my husband a new car last August and used most of our savings for that. We ended up purchasing an SUV, which was at the very top of a very lean budget. But now I resent the SUV because I can’t stop to get coffee on Friday mornings (which was previously the only day I allowed myself coffee shop coffee) because it’s not in the lean budget! And we have to stick exactly to the budget or we will not be able to afford the stupid SUV. The worst is knowing I’ve done this to myself, ON PURPOSE. We were planning to get an SUV but in about 3 years time, once we’d had time to save up again.

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Elise June 6, 2014 at 12:24 pm

I have more!

Bloggers (not you, never you) who reference and/or lament the “changing landscape of blogging” for various changes in their work, lifestyle and blogging frequency. I need details, people, WTF are they talking about? Also, don’t they realize that there is a whole “changing landscape” in the economy in general? My industry is changing; there is 0% chance that my current job will be available to me within the year. And a really good chance that if I want to continue doing what I’m doing, that it will be as a contractor with no benefits, for significantly less money and no chance of advancement.

Entrepeneurship is a dirty word for me, I have never, nor do I currently want to work for myself. Yet, this is more than likely my fate in the “changing landscape” of my industry where we’ve been told from the highest levels (i.e. I heard the CEO speak these words) that we will be in a state of constant change and we should get used to it or leave.

My jeans are too tight, and it’s because I eat too much crap.

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Courtney June 6, 2014 at 12:29 pm

1. I though ieas getting regular chips, but realuzes they were hawaiian BBQ once i got to my desk. They are not good.
2.My supervisor and i are borh annoyed by tbeguy who keeps trying to get us to do his job, and by him not doing his job, it has relly screwed things up for us today, and our boss is not here today for us to talk to about it, for the third time.
3. My house is not self cleaning.
4. I almost knocked over the woman at work who just had knee surgery.

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Courtney June 6, 2014 at 12:32 pm

And I apparently can’t type well on my phone.

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Hillary June 6, 2014 at 12:36 pm

I am with you with hating the “in order to weigh less you have to eat less food and yet food is yummy” thing. It sucks.

My complaints:
My son shared his cold with me, and also with his dad. We have the exact same cold, and yet in my husband’s mind, he’s way sicker than I am.
It is starting to look like the only way I will get to have a second child is if we use a surrogate and I am not handling it well.
I had to go see my dad in the hospital (a whole other stressful disaster) and of course I had to walk right past maternity to do it. Stress x2.
I could really use a vacation but it doesn’t look like there is one happening in the near future. Or really at any point this year. Sigh.

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Suebob June 6, 2014 at 12:37 pm

1. I went to a meeting where someone was sick and I had to use their computer to present with. Now I think I have her illness. Tickly throat, tired, etc.
2. At work, I have been assigned a project where decisions have not been made and no one can tell me what is going on, but I’m supposed to create a communication plan.
3. I may have a medical problem, or it may be menopause, and I’m having a hard time telling which.
4. The house is filthy and I have no time to fix it.
5. Need a haircut but have no time etc.

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Heather June 6, 2014 at 1:24 pm

We moved this week and our couch will not, cannot make it upstairs. So I am emergency couch shopping today, for a cheap couch that is still cute.

Also, must figure out how to dispose of old couch.

The dryer in the new apartment isn’t working properly, and I had to put on damp khakis this morning.

I think my hair has skipped going silver and is turning white.

The audio book I wanted to borrow via library isn’t available. I had to place a HOLD and now must wait.

I’m thumb typing on my phone, which is a pain — I could complain more, but I’d need a keyboard.

My husband travels this week for work — Sunday-Friday. He’s done this a lot lately and I miss him. :(

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kristin June 6, 2014 at 1:27 pm

1. I work full time and have 3 kids which means I can never do or be enough for it or them or my husband or myself.
2. I feel horribly guilty about number 1 but also feel wonderfully fulfilled at my job.
3. Paradox in #2 feeds the guilt spiral.
4. Have gained 10 pounds since going back to work 3 months ago.
5. WTF, #4, you’re an asshole.
6. Lonewolfing for the third weekend in two months. Did I mention I have 3 kids?
7. Baby in the midst of a brutal sleep regression.
8. Oh, I hear the music, I guess my time is up…

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sally June 6, 2014 at 2:21 pm

1. I had to address a staff member for illegally sporting a hat today. (I work in a hostile, hat-free environment.)

2. My ex-husband’s pregnant girlfriend will give birth any moment now. (It’s not his.) (Long story.)

3. My car is making a funny noise.

4. I have an eczema patch on the back of my neck, and also I just got a haircut so now everyone can see the eczema patch that I didn’t know was there before I got the haircut.

5. I ate too many cashews.

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Allie June 6, 2014 at 2:46 pm

1. The dog has had a stomach bug for two days, resulting in hourly trips outside for Important Business. This means no quality sleep for anyone (we thought this wouldn’t start until we had a baby!) and juggling of the work schedules so that we don’t come home to a shit-covered puppy in his crate. I constantly question whether we are Bad Pet Owners for not immediately taking him to the vet.

2. I know I’m lucky to be ABLE to work from home some days, but of course I left half of what I require AT THE OFFICE, resulting in two supremely unproductive days. Guilt.

3. I am supposed to finish my PhD this summer, as is the husband. In order to do this I will have actually Write A Dissertation. This is scary and I’d rather just watch Netflix most of the time.

4. Husband has been offered and accepted a postdoc in Italy, where my employment options will be limited. I will be going with him nonetheless, as all my applications here and elsewhere have yet to result in an actual paying job. I am excited, and resentful, and scared that I’m giving up my career before it starts, and also excited because Italy. But in order for this move to ever happen, see #3.

5. We’re both planning on/hoping for careers in academia. Just like every other career path in our “rapidly changing landscape,” options are limited and our outlook is bleak. Italy will provide a three-year contract, that’s it. When the hell does one start a family??

Thanks for the space! This was the best idea ever, Alexa.

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