EVERYTHING

0, 1, 2.

June 17, 2014
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Ministry of Grievances.

June 5, 2014

I am having one of those days. Weeks, even. And it is rude to complain because I am so lucky etc. but guess what? I am declaring this post the Official Complaints Department and I have some complaints to register and you should all feel free to do the same. No need to preface your […]

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A Day in the Life, Weekend Edition.

May 30, 2014

This is almost two months old now, and has been sitting in my drafts folder since around the time Twyla was in the hospital, because I’ve been telling myself I have to post the conclusion of that story first, like I said I would, even though (SHOCKINGLY) once the episode was well past I didn’t […]

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Twyla Goes to the Hospital. (Now With Conclusion!)

April 21, 2014

The party line, of course, is that daycare is a boon to women. But has anyone investigated the possibility that daycare is an invention of the patriarchy aimed at killing off working mothers altogether? We’ve all been sick more or less continuously since Twyla started in February. The weekend of April 5th, she got a […]

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“Morning Aphasia” Would Be a Fine Band Name.

March 28, 2014

¶ Is there such a thing as Morning Aphasia? Because the other morning I was unable to call up: 1) The name of one of my children 2) The words “water bottle” 3) The word “lunchbox” 4) The word “bag” I compensated with “THING” and “THAT GIRL,” but it was a little alarming. I may […]

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Information You Didn’t Ask For.

March 24, 2014

¶ You will be relieved to hear, I am sure, that the Horse Council bill has passed and is now law. And I forgot to tell you: the true subject of the bill, the thing that is to be funded by the Equine Education Fund and overseen by the wise and shiny-coated Horse Council is…A […]

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Average Temperature? -5 Degrees Celsius.

March 18, 2014

¶ It is a truth universally acknowledged that no one wants to read about how sick you have been. But I do not see the point of HAVING pneumonia if you cannot tell people how miserable you are and have them say soothing things and also marvel at the fact that you are, for instance, […]

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A Day in the Life.

February 26, 2014

I love, love the “Day in the Life” posts that people (most recently Two Adults, Susie, Miriel) do, and so I did one. Ten-ish days ago. Since then we’ve had multiple rounds of illness, some of the LAMBADA variety, and it took me until now to find time to type this up from the notes […]

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0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

February 13, 2014
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Impactfully Yours.

February 3, 2014

¶ I saw an advertisement for a class offering to “improve your writing in one day,” and this advertisement included the phrase “make your writing more impactful.” This has inspired me to offer my own, FREE writing improvement instruction, right now. It won’t even take a day. Here: 1. NEVER USE THE WORD “IMPACTFUL” There […]

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Apropos of Nothing.

January 23, 2014

¶ Today when I left for work it was 15 degrees below zero, with a windchill of -36. Schools were closed. Scott’s practice was closed. I have a cold, and have developed a pronounced limp (my Dilettante’s Thigh seems to have worsened). I also had no clean work pants, my work wardrobe being still in […]

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Legitimate Owie.

January 22, 2014

¶ Actual sentence I uttered the other day: “You can only have a Band-Aid if you have a Legitimate Owie.” LEGITIMATE OWIE. Am I talking to an adult or to a toddler? Half and half, I guess! Having children has rendered my speech patterns entirely nonsensical. ¶ Simone is having her birthday party, as requested, […]

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Seven Things

January 15, 2014

¶ Thanks to your very kind comments, I felt buoyed and supported all day yesterday. And as is so often the case, the anticipation was worse than the reality. It helped that after Simone’s appointment I didn’t have to go back to work and was instead able to spend a few hours at my mother’s […]

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Dark Day.

January 13, 2014

I may still decide to bore you with my many, many words on how I decided to go back to work outside the home, but there is something more pressing I need to write about at the moment, and it is my dread of tomorrow. My new job is at my old company, where I […]

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A Merry Little Chambliss.

January 11, 2014

¶ I’m late posting this holiday wrap up because I’ve been busy in the last few weeks. On Monday I started a new job, a JOB job, in an office, full time, the sort of job that requires you to wear things like pants with buttons and dresses and to wash your hair and everything. […]

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Nutcracker, What the Girls are Getting, Holiday Cheer.

December 23, 2013

¶ Simone is taking ballet this year, which she loves and which is every bit as adorable as you might suppose, but the best thing about it is that she got to be in The Nutcracker—not a makeshift recital but the real Nutcracker put on by Ballet Minnesota in a fancy auditorium with ballerinas. She and […]

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Belated Halloween Post.

November 10, 2013

I have always had a soft spot for Halloween, the holiday celebrating the date of my birth, but now that I have costume-aged children I like it even more, and the fact that it is my birthday feels almost incidental, the cherry on top of an already delicious sundae. (I would really like a sundae […]

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I Have Nothing Against Tacos, Really.

October 10, 2013

¶ Various children’s entertainment failures Simone has never been that into princesses, so I haven’t had occasion to really, well, CARE about her Princess Media Consumption, and I generally like sweet, bobble-headed Sofia the First with her ecstatically dilated pupils, but I think we may be done with her after the episode Simone just watched, […]

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It Turned Out to Be Part of a Fundraising Effort for a School for The Blind, By the Way. Not that They’d Be Able to Read the Book.

September 20, 2013

My mother moved back from Switzerland about a year ago now, but she still has mail forwarded from her Swiss address. In fact, she still has accounts at her Swiss bank, and a few nights ago she opened an envelope from said Swiss bank to find a letter and a small, beautifully illustrated copy of […]

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Parenthood: There Will Be a Quiz.

September 12, 2013

Lately, Simone has been waking me up in the mornings by coming to the side of the bed, putting her face close to mine, and whispering urgent questions. Here’s an example I shared on Twitter last weekend: I woke up to a small face peering at me: "Mom! One of these days can we get […]

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The First Day.

September 9, 2013

Can you EVEN? There are lots more pictures here, for further marveling. And if you really want to blow your mind sky high, here’s this: I started to call this entry “The First Day of the Rest of Her Life,” and WordPress informed me that I’d already used that title. It was on the entry […]

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To the Lake! Again!

September 4, 2013

There was a moment, on our first full day of vacation—I think it was post-boardwalking, post rock-throwing, post lunch and ice cream and toy store and swimming—when Scott and I were each flat upon one of the hotel room’s queen-sized beds, exhausted. Simone was pretending to be a dog: she’d fashioned a piece of Play-Doh […]

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It’s a Post about Things!

August 14, 2013

¶Notable among my several July Goal failures was “Lose five pounds,” and it is not hard to see how I went astray, there. All month, I was uncommonly virtuous and healthful during the day, and methodically undid all that good work at night. You know that saying, “a lady on the streets, a freak in […]

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July Wrap-Up and August Goals: Just as Dull as it Sounds.

August 8, 2013

JULY GOALS 1. Finish Simone’s room SO CLOSE. In fact, “SO CLOSE” could have been July’s theme. I made progress on almost every list item, and finished almost nothing. It seems obvious that if I had managed to focus on one thing at a time, I would be ending the month with a few more […]

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There’s No Business Like Show Business!

July 16, 2013

Well! Last week was a busy, goat-filled week! It was a week to remember, a week filled with goats! I am a little overexcited, as you can probably tell. You see, last week was the American Dairy Goat Association’s National Show, and this year it was held right here in St. Paul. There was intense […]

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Mostly For My Own Benefit.

July 3, 2013

¶ As of yesterday morning, Twyla could take two-ish unassisted steps. As of yesterday evening, Twyla could walk—as in, while I was in the kitchen cleaning up the dinner dishes, she just walked on in, scaring me half to death. I managed to get video of some of her very first lurching around lunchtime yesterday: […]

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New Things.

June 27, 2013

¶ Twyla turned one, and there is something a little sad about knowing that I have seen my last days as the mother of an infant. Of course, there is a lot of good ahead: I am excited for the deeply weird magic of language acquisition, and for the way Simone and Twyla’s relationship is […]

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0,1 (again).

June 13, 2013
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Meanwhile.

May 10, 2013

I was going to post about my business trip, but now it has been so long that it seems silly. Why has it been so long, you ask? Well, as dictated by natural law, the children got ill just as I was leaving, and I came back sick and have more or less stayed that […]

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Bacchanull.

April 9, 2013

¶ I read the first Tana French, In The Woods, on the recommendation of you fine people, and you did not steer me wrong. I more or less lost two days of my life, however, because I was not capable of putting the damn thing down. I tried! I swear I tried. Actually, several times […]

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In Praise of False Industry.

March 28, 2013

Scott was trying to tell me about a book, but he couldn’t remember the title—all he could manage was that it was called “In Praise of [some word LIKE ‘whipping,’ but NOT ‘whipping’].” I went to Amazon and did a search for “In Praise of,” and while I did not find the book he was […]

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